If you want a man to be addicted to you, the first thing you have to do is understand the world from his perspective. To be successful, you must understand this first: Men and women behave totally differently in their relationships. So you have to throw away your “Rule book” and start to understand “His Rule Book”.
The Truth:
He doesn’t Understand You, but he wants to—actually, he really wants to. But if he feels he can’t please you, he will give up! So you have to help him!
If you feel he has given up, then understanding “His Rules” will go a long way to rebuilding his interest in you!
Let’s face it: no matter how often you try to speak with your partner, you know he doesn’t really understand you, don’t you?
You may have tried all sorts of ways to get his attention, but it’s like he doesn’t care. Now, when you look back at when you first met, you may feel sad because it wasn’t always that way.
Do you remember the days when you first started seeing each other? Do you remember how addicted he was to you back then?
Most women and men expect the relationship to change and the excitement to die as the years pass. Women usually put the early drive in their men down to their desire to have sex with them.
Whilst there is some truth in this, it is only a fraction of what really drives his addiction to her.
So, what is more potent than sex to help a man become addicted to you?
The Goal: What you want is for him to feel good about himself
when he is with you.
He will then associate great feelings to being with you, and he will feel addicted again, just like when you first met.
To understand this, you need to understand what drives him in a relationship. Of course, all men are different, but there are some key areas by which 99% of men are driven, so this is a great area to focus on.
The rules that will addict a man to a woman
- Rule One: The most amazing feeling for a man is when he pleases the woman he loves. A smile on her face is like pure magic to him. What he wants and is looking for is how to be successful with her. If he starts to feel she is always unhappy with him, the unbearable feeling of not being enough for her can worry him. He can start to feel like a failure, and this can become overwhelming. Not wanting to feel this way, he removes himself from the relationship and goes to where he feels good about himself again. This could be work, friends, hobbies, or even other females.
- Rule Two: Men overwhelmingly desire to fix problems and provide solutions. When he is confident he can fix her problems or prove to her that he has done a great job, this makes him feel amazing about himself. Give him the stuff to fix and appreciate it when he tries, even if it’s not what you really need.
- Rule Three: Of course, he loves sex, too, but the above is far more important. To him, a sexual connection is one of his primary ways of expressing love. Plus, if she is open to intimacy with him, then he must have done something right.
- Rule Four: Freedom is also a key value for men, so never try to cage him or control him!
Now that you know a few key drivers for him, the goal is for YOU to help him feel the above as often as possible so he can attach all his great feelings to you.
This is what you want. Punish him, criticise him, and he will only become frustrated with you, which means he will attach that feeling to you.
Punish him too many times, and he may shut down for good.
[Of course, couples that come for one-on-one sessions learn with me how to do this and grow their relationship to meet both their needs at the point of conflict. But without that key knowledge, know that punishment doesn’t work… EVER!]
So…if he starts to feel great about himself when he is with you, this is what you want.
Remember: Not pleasing you is hell for him – in his world, he has failed!
He is not perfect, and maybe when you are feeling troubled, he tries to help you by fixing stuff that does not need fixing. You get upset, and he gets more frustrated. Understand firstly that his intention is good even if what he does doesn’t work.
So the answer is to help him so he can help you.
Tell him what you need when you feel fearful or unsafe. Help him understand that if you do become upset, it’s just your way of helping him see you are struggling, and the best thing he can do is reassure you and give you love.
Ask him to focus on the emotions you are feeling based on what you are saying—but please note that he won’t understand any of this.
You see he is conditioned to listen to every word you say and take it 100% seriously and hold on to it.
Sometimes, if you get upset with him, you say things you don’t mean.
Sadly, men think you do mean those words, and they take your pain and feel pain themselves, thus making it all about them. This is destructive for the relationship!
If you want your man to be addicted to you, then understand what you want him to feel when he is around you. Remember, whatever he feels consistently, he will attach to you, so be careful.
Hope you have found this useful, are you now interested to learn more?
If you have read this far, then clearly, you are passionate about your relationships, so I wish you success.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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