Everyone one has fears, and in relationships where people are out of control of what their partners could do, can experience their fears can becoming significantly magnified.
- The most common fear is that we will on some level will not being enough for our partners!
When we feel this way we can start to change our behaviours to balance out our feelings or fears. Unfortunately the feelings of creating balance is an illusion and what really happens is a pathway to creating the very thing we fear.
For example a person who fears their partner leaving them might display some of the behaviours below.
- This person could experience uncontrollable jealousy
- They might become very involved in what their partner does
- The could subject their partner to a barrage of texts, emails, phone calls
- They could constantly seek approval or significance
- They may even start to shut down emotionally to block our their feelings if it gets really intense
The problem with these behaviours is the person who on the receiving end of this can feel they are not trusted, and as trust is one of the key foundations of any relationship the relationship can start to feel unstable.
This results in them both acting in fear states as they can now both fear the relationship ending, or not being how it should be and so they both go into self-protection as they can no longer see a future that’s either happy or together.
In these fear states the couple can start to take control in many different ways. Unfortunately the fear states they are in does not usually create an environment of growth and so the relationship starts to die.
So the possible feelings of not being enough start to come true.
Fears can generate the total reverse of what
a relationship needs to grow and survive.
Both people can start to attach resentment to each other as they stop feeling secure. The passion will start to fade and this can be dangerous for the relationship as both parties still have needs that have to be met. They stop feeling important to each other and they feel their connection starts to fade.
Many couples will start to notice that the relationship is no longer fulfilling their needs and so they discover that they go outside of the relationship to feel good again.
- At this point they can conclude that the relationship is no longer working.
Is this where you are? Would you like to change this? Maybe you are fearful and you want to control it but you don’t know how. If so get in touch today!