I’m sure it’s not going to be a surprise to learn that couples with great relationships are going to be doing things very differently to those with relationships that are not working.
The question is what are they doing that’s different? What is it that actually connects couples for life? The couples that are life long connectors all have created similar behaviours. In todays post I’m going to talk about some of these key areas.
I’m going to start with what I believe sits at the heart of a successful relationship and then add in a few key elements that keep the relationship alive year after year.
The heart of a great relationship is a great friendship. This is what Cloe and I have created together, it’s what I teach in my sessions and is what I see in couples that have gone from crisis to reconnection.
- Great friends can rely on each other. They are involved in each other lives, they catch-up regularly, they know things about each other that they would never share with others. They share their challenges they are honest with each other.
- Great friends build safe platforms to be able to experience the best out of life, they feel they are on the same page about life.
- Great friends create a unique world thats unique to them, it feels like an energy that’s self perpetuating.
- Great friends create a place where empathy, caring, kindness lives. These types of connections create foundations for energies like fun, humour, passion, adventure.
A great friendship is one of the core foundations I see in successful couples that is missing from couple with problems.
NOTE: It’s important to note that some couples do create great friendships, but they lose sexual connection. It is critical that the sexual attraction and desire is part of their dynamic.
No couple lives in eternal bliss, so conflict is a normal part of how successful couples work. Successful couples know who to have conflict successfully.
Every couple is different and so is their style of interaction, but what’s important is that we avoid one or both people stacking resentments towards the other through the way they process their communication.
The couples that either grow closer from their conflicts, or they chose to not take them to heart, value the relationship more than the conflict, or being right.
Cloe and I are both passionate people and with that passion comes differences of opinion. Those opinions for us are never more important than our relationship.
What the top two processes creates is a foundation of trust where individuals can feel they are accepted for who they are and loved no matter what.
From these powerfully emotional connectors couples are able to look at each others needs from each others perspective. They want their partner to feel good they look for ways to help their partner to feel great about themselves.
All the above and more have the ability to pave the way to lasting passion and sexual connection.
When couples are looking for my help, I have to take into account their unique styles of interaction, the type of relationship they would like and the key areas of concern for that couple, this focus on what matter to them enables them to build a deeper friendship and connection that’s so safe it leads to a lasting passionate connection.