It’s critical to know quickly when you and your relationship are in a pattern that could be destructive to its future.
Many of these destructive patterns can be understood and overcome.
Below is a list of behaviours that should never be ignored.
1. The couple that never argues. Nine times out of ten this couples dynamic will have a low passion reflected in little to no sex life.
2. The couple that can’t stop arguing. This erodes their connection and stacks resentments that can create emotional detachments.
3. Relationship contains someone that always needs to be right or wants to win arguments.
4. The couple who don’t make their relationship/connection a priority.
5. If a person is holding back love/intimacy as either self-protection or as a punishment.
6. When a person becomes a problem spouse as means to self-protect to deflect from their deeper real issue.
7. If a person marries for security and not love.
8. If a person ignores their partners’ cry’s for help.
9. If a partner is not invested in their partners’ happiness.
10. The couple that assumes they think and experience the world the same as each other.
11. The couple who don’t understand how to create an attraction dynamic.
12. When critical needs are ignored or not understood.
13. They are constantly on different pages, so feel disconnected most of the time.
14. They sweep problems away without understanding and dealing with the problem first.
15. When two people talk, but neither is understood. Or worse they listen and think they understand but actually don’t.
16. When two people stop having sex and assume lack of sex is their problem?
17. When people assume losing passion for each other over time is normal.
18. Not understanding love what it means and how it works.
19. The couple that doesn’t realise what they need to be happy is different from their partner.
20. People will naturally gravitate without thought to meet critical needs outside their relationship if their needs are not met within it.
21. Not understanding what really drives your partner and connects them to themselves.
22. Knowledge of what really attracted the couple when they first met because they could stop doing it negatively affecting their connection.
23. The person who is looking for fairness is likely to be killing their attraction dynamic.
24. The person who pleases others at a cost to themselves.
25. The person who becomes someone they are not to protect their marriage.
26. Couples that don’t make their marriage a priority.
27. If you’re on the verge of an affair, please know the affair will complicate your life and will cause everyone massive pain and suffering, and you will not think it was worth it.
28. Sudden change in personality can stress the marriage and can have destructive drivers if not correctly understood.
Being in a relationship is a skills-based activity. No one is good at it naturally.
Even naturally intuitive people will rarely have their partners accurate perspective because gender differences are specific to that gender.
A common message I hear is we should have come to see you years before. Most also agree they should have come to see me the day they decided to commit to a life together.
I couldn’t agree more as so much is at stake.