A couple hits a crisis point and they realise they don’t want the marriage to end so they start talking unaware of their next problem.
Many people that hit a relationship crisis can find themselves talking to each other more than they ever have before.
Opening up communication is great however there are some pitfalls that couples must open their eyes to if this has happened to them.
Initially, some couples may feel closer and more connected as they join forces on a mission to not let their crisis end their marriage, this can create a great feeling of connection and purpose.
For the first time in a long time they may feel like a team again.
They may feel better and relieved that the danger has passed, but this is where their danger sits.
The pattern they were both in is the same pattern all humans use when any danger is nearby, they both wake up and become conscious of the danger.
So the couple may practice being “conscious” for a few days or weeks.
The problem they are facing happens when their conscious energy subsidies due to the danger no longer being present.
Now the old patterns, the patterns that created the crisis can slowly return.
You see just because the couple became conscious and in the moment are happier, it doesn’t mean the problems have been understood and are now gone.
Waking up to a problem doesn’t mean the couple knows what the real problem is.
To make matters worse the knowledge needed to solve a couple’s problems won’t naturally descend into either person’s consciousness.
It’s like asking a person to think really hard and the ability to speak a new language will suddenly appear. You simply cannot think about speaking “French” it has to be learned.
Consciousness is the first step I use to help my clients to connect with. I have to wake them up to what they cannot see.
There is little point in opening your eyes and still be blind to the truth.
Once a couple is awake then the process of repatterning must take place as each person can start to see the real challenges they face.
They must know how they can change to positively influence each other.
They must understand…
- How to choose their own emotions
- They must understand the foundation of attraction.
- They must learn how each person is driven differently
- How their fears are influenced by their ill-formed values and limiting beliefs.
These are just a few of the many skills the couple must learn to bring a rewarding connection to each other.
The key is to make that new energy the new pattern and this only happens through understanding and practice.
Consciousness and desire to change is only the first step of the couples journey to lasting change.
The destructive patterns must be understood and replaced.
You see if the process of meeting a critical need is disconnecting the person from who they are, wouldn’t the future be a challenge for that person and their partner?
One example is when things go wrong, have they changed that pattern so they create more love and more security as an end result?
Anyone can exist in a relationship that is 100% happy, the problem is they simply don’t exist.
So whilst the couple is basking in the success of we feel happier now we are not in crisis, at some point a problem will strike and the old patterns will descend if the correct new pattern has not been formed.
That will in turn spark the old fear patterns in both people, self-protection will take over and we are back to where we started.
This time in slightly worse than we were before.
The process of thinking we fixed it, but really we didn’t can exhaust couples into wondering if they actually chose the wrong partner.
In most cases they are simply missing the right information and compatibility isn’t the core issue at all.
What you know, isn’t all there is!
Please remember what you know, isn’t all there is to know and your partners’ world is not like yours at all.
So judging your partner by using your own expectations and filters will provide a distorted and unfair perception of the situation.
It’s only getting to the core problems and shifting them is where a couple’s happiness will sit.
Far too many people think they know best and try to fix their problems themselves, what couples have to know to navigate their life together is significant.
This is why so many couples struggle, the knowledge they need isn’t common knowledge.
I write these posts to help people develop an interest, become curious, and broaden their understanding of the many influencing factors that affect couples.
Why waste your time and energy on a trial and error model that could only make the problems worse?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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