One of the first coaches I ever came across said. “The brain will grow whatever you plant”, so be very careful of what you keep focusing on or thinking about because you’ll give that thought power.
The brain isn’t focused on if the thought is good or bad, and it isn’t focused on if it’s good for you or not.
All it does is provide a fertile field (your mind) for you to grow what you plant!
It’s why I ask couples to never threaten each other with divorce because doing so makes the prospect of divorce real in both people’s minds and that has the potential to grow very powerful fears.
Some of the greatest minds understood this concept and that is at the root of their success.
Henry Ford Founder of the Ford Motor Company said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”.
People will grow what they think and so their lives are shaped by their thinking and their beliefs.
In relationships I see people growing a perspective of negative thoughts and beliefs about their partner.
In turn, they start to delete what is good about them and this can lead many relationships to corrode and end.
I hear people say they never loved their partner despite years of connection that clearly did work.
One gentleman showed me many loving letters his wife wrote to him over the years.
He was confused as to why today she tells him she never loved him. Was she lying back then or lying now.
She isn’t lying in either this is just what happens when the person grows and lives a story.
She started to change focus in the marriage of how she saw her husband. Some problems had occurred it shifted her focus and she grew it and she started looking for more problems.
Anyone that looks for problems will find them. She grew the problems.
So she grew a new story about their marriage, she then bought her own story and believed it was true.
She ended up with a distortion of what she would call the facts about her husband and what I would call just one perspective of many possibilities.
She didn’t tell me facts, she told me the result of what happens to a human brain if it consistently focuses on looking for problems.
So what is the truth for this couple?
And what would happen if their truth became their new focus and they grew that instead?
It’s this type of problematic thinking that grows divorce regret. One person can be 100% committed to the divorce then totally confused regrets it months or years later.
How we think and the beliefs we create are very powerful.
Imagine being able to understand this in a way that leads you to the life and relationship you really want and deserve.
It’s totally possible to achive great things, but the thinking must be adjusted if you’re not getting the results you want today.
Remember the only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the way they think and what they grow in their own minds.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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