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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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A thought for Sunday

One of the first coaches I ever came across said. “The brain will grow whatever you plant”, so be very careful of what you keep focusing on or thinking about because you’ll give that thought power.

The brain isn’t focused on if the thought is good or bad, and it isn’t focused on if it’s good for you or not.

All it does is provide a fertile field (your mind) for you to grow what you plant!

It’s why I ask couples to never threaten each other with divorce because doing so makes the prospect of divorce real in both people’s minds and that has the potential to grow very powerful fears.

Some of the greatest minds understood this concept and that is at the root of their success.

Henry Ford Founder of the Ford Motor Company said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”.

People will grow what they think and so their lives are shaped by their thinking and their beliefs.

In relationships I see people growing a perspective of negative thoughts and beliefs about their partner.

In turn, they start to delete what is good about them and this can lead many relationships to corrode and end.

I hear people say they never loved their partner despite years of connection that clearly did work.

One gentleman showed me many loving letters his wife wrote to him over the years.

He was confused as to why today she tells him she never loved him. Was she lying back then or lying now.

She isn’t lying in either this is just what happens when the person grows and lives a story.

She started to change focus in the marriage of how she saw her husband. Some problems had occurred it shifted her focus and she grew it and she started looking for more problems.

Anyone that looks for problems will find them. She grew the problems.

So she grew a new story about their marriage, she then bought her own story and believed it was true.

She ended up with a distortion of what she would call the facts about her husband and what I would call just one perspective of many possibilities.

She didn’t tell me facts, she told me the result of what happens to a human brain if it consistently focuses on looking for problems.

So what is the truth for this couple?

And what would happen if their truth became their new focus and they grew that instead?

It’s this type of problematic thinking that grows divorce regret. One person can be 100% committed to the divorce then totally confused regrets it months or years later.

How we think and the beliefs we create are very powerful.

Imagine being able to understand this in a way that leads you to the life and relationship you really want and deserve.

It’s totally possible to achive great things, but the thinking must be adjusted if you’re not getting the results you want today.

Remember the only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the way they think and what they grow in their own minds.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.


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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
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