So many people who discover their partners’ affair are shocked at why they are not running or kicking them out.
They were convinced an affair would be the end, but affairs are complex, confusing and everyone has a different perspective and reactions.
The victim can find themselves extremely stuck because they have love for someone they cannot trust and the future now doesn’t feel the same.
To be clear affairs can cause such havoc on everyone in many cases the person having the affair is going to be the one that really suffers in the end and I’ll explain why below.
- Either their partner found out and simply won’t have them back.
- Their partner will not let go of the affair and the relationship they both wanted to save feels impossible to be in so separation feels like the only route.
- The person having the secret affair is stuck, tortured by not knowing who to choose, do they stay with their spouse and family, or do they take the leap and commit to the affair partner?
Whatever the situation, affairs are NEVER EVER the solution to a marital issue.
Affairs actually compound problems they don’t solve them.
End one story before you start another
If the marriage is in trouble either work on it, or leave it before the affair because the mess and suffering that follows an affair I promise is really is not worth the pleasure.
People that have had affair on mass are utterly shocked at the problems their decisions have created.
He started an affair
I remember one gentleman started an affair because he couldn’t stand his wife’s emotions. Nine months into the affair his affair partner was displaying the very same emotions.
He discovered with me that on one hand what both these women were displaying was normal and secondly he was the cause of their reactions, he thought the problem was them.
In many cases, the person having the affair is either missing the skills to understand their own emotions, or they are not connected to the skills needed to develop the relationship they are in.
Affairs don’t create clarity they create confusion.
It is possible to help couples rebuild their connection after an affair because when both people have understood the root causes for the problems that lead to the affair they have a chance to press reset and rebuild their connection this time properly.
There is no question affairs are symptoms of deeper problems, but there is no escaping the trauma this break of trust creates and the amount of effort required to put the marriage back on track whilst the root problems are understood and repatterned.