One reason couples end up struggling with each other is that life together can become so dull, year after year of the same old everything. I see so many couples suffering because they have no real purpose for being together.
This can be upsetting as it can cause friction as they look for excitement but not necessarily together.
Not having a purpose for being together is such a dangerous trap to fall into.
Some couples only purpose for being together is they are a mum and a dad, and it’s not enough because one day the kids will leave home.
The traditional story I hear is when the couple first meet and it’s so exciting; they tell all their friends about this amazing person they’ve just met. They can’t stop thinking about each other, and so they magnify their excitement with fun things like parties, holidays stuff most couples like to do.
They then magnify all that fun energy with new plans for moving in, buying a house or getting married for many it’s such an exciting time.
Some decide to have children, and then everyone is filled with anticipation for the new arrival.
This, for many, is a few years of excitement and planning for their new journey through life together.
What’s interesting is this is where the couples problems start because past this point, they stop planning their relationship.
Some of the reason they stop planning is life at this stage is so busy, and there is no room for anything else. Kids and work, especially in the early days, can be full-on for most people.
BUT…
What people don’t see is the massive volume of couples that are nearing breaking up at retirement, when kids leave home or when a company is sold.
Couples are splitting up because they have not created a compelling vision they can both get excited about. They end up having no reason to be together other than they’ve been together a long time.
What I’m seeing is couples are losing the core of their connection and what brought them together. They have lost excitement, mystery and excitement for the future together.
For many, their future has disappeared, and some can’t even imagine one now.
Some couples lose the vision of the reason they are together; some didn’t know they needed to create one.
Some couples get so wrapped up in their lives they lose their critical identities so husband and wife can get lost and they live as mum and dad or two workers that look after a house.
Couples who get stuck living in a ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ energy is not the energy that creates intimacy, passion and excitement.
So couples in this place are going to be drawn to other passions outside of the marriage for some yes it is affairs, but many are drawn to their hobbies or where they are naturally gifted/successful.
I see so many couples get stuck in this place and come looking for my help to get out of this passionless existence.
What’s interesting is many business leaders, and visionaries are my clients and this very skill of vision and planning that’s critical for their business life they simply don’t apply to their marriage.
Having a vision for what your relationship is for and where you are going is a critical part of what will make it bulletproof.
One of the critical elements of my work with couples is helping them find compelling reasons to be together so they can become a successful team.
You see the skill of creating a fulfilled life together is about planning, creating and experiencing the emotions we want.
This means helping the couple plan their future and become a team to create emotions that are important to them both.
- So how do you keep excitement and mystery alive?
- How do you become a team and design real purpose for being together?
- How do you ignite passion identities that will drive the reason you are together?
So many people are bored with their marriage, but it’s because they simply haven’t understood how to ignite their passion through a shared vision of what an exciting life together looks like.
Great marriages don’t just happen, they are created. Creating a purpose to be together is just one of the critical skills couples must learn if they are going to get the very best from their life.
