The answer is because we are not aware we have created them, and those that are affected end up with an illusion of truth that only creates misery or poor quality lives, lives that have no purpose or fulfillment… This is important to know because it could be happening to you, or someone you love…
Have you ever felt stuck in your life? No matter what you do, did you end up feeling bad, or you feel that something is wrong, but you don’t know how to change it, is this happening to you?
Have you ever thought that the reason you are stuck is because you get some thing good from being in this stuck place. Maybe you have a partner friend or family member who is also stuck.
- Please note that everyone that is stuck gets something good from being stuck, that’s why they are still there.
I’ll give you an example: A depressed person may get sympathy, or love when they are depressed, so how likely are they to choose depression, yes of course very likely.
Another person may have a desire to want please others constantly, because this is the only way they feel loved. If they think this is the most certain way to get love will they continue? Yes of course.
Whatever you are focused on that gives you pain consistently know this, firstly you are doing this pain to yourself and the reason you are doing it is because you think you’ll get something good.
The problem is this may not be in your conscious awareness it maybe a pattern you created as a child or in your past to cope with your fears.
Some people may even fight vigorously and resist to keep their right to feel stuck, down, depressed, or in pain. Even here they are getting something that’s good for them, such as a sense of importance, control, security or variety they may even get a little growth in the moment, but I’ll tell what they never get, they never get the love they really want.
You see everyone does something for a reason, the problem is to them and the outside would it’s not obvious to know why they do what they do.
So what is really happening?
The person is trying to meet their core needs and is doing so, BUT they are meeting them in low level ways. What this means they are meeting their needs, but contradicting their values, resulting in them not meeting them at all, thus resulting in them feeling awful.
So is the depressed person really getting the love they need, in the way they need it? Of course not, they get a pity love. Plus are they giving themselves love? No way? Plus in this place do they have the ability to give love in the way they would want to? Not at all!
Yet if challenged they would tell you “love” is important to them.
It is this kind of behaviour that helps people stay stuck.
Are you stuck? Do you want to find out why? Do you want to discover what you are getting from being stuck so you can stop the destructive pattern?
- If so please get in contact today.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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