So one of the challenges couples face is their ability to connect emotionally. Emotional connection is a critical foundational element that’s needed to keep a couple’s, love, attraction and sexual energy alive.
But there is a problem many couples will face.
The emotional connection both people need is going to be different and because they are unaware of this they will experience a gap they will struggle to close.
To compound the problem each person is going to think their needs are the right ones so when their partner doesn’t understand or they don’t do it in the way they need they can make them wrong.
This will create more distance or a battle.
Not being able to connect emotionally can affect a person’s ability to connect to emotional security.
This compounds the problem because they will then find themselves protecting themselves from their partner.
This is a problem because they cannot be “in love” with a partner they have to protect themselves from.
Couples in this place can find a reduced sexual connection, they can find they are bickering too often.
They can find it almost impossible to get through to their partner.
The result for many can be either emotional shutdown or rages.
Loss of emotional connection is catastrophic for a couple, but it’s also very common and very solvable.
I remember speaking to this lady who was aware of this lack of connection and couldn’t see a way forward.
So when I shared that she was also not seeing what he needed she started to see the problem.
She was naturally concerned if this was a learnable skill.
She was sceptical that he could learn what she needed because she had years of him clearly not understanding, so how would he now know?
I told her the first problem was you both expected each other to naturally understand.
This is an unfair expectation.
Your second job was to help your partner understand not to kick him when he doesn’t, but you have a problem.
You will struggle to help him understand because you don’t know how he is different to you so it won’t make sense to him.
I then asked her to pretend I was her husband and teach me what emotional connection was for her.
She knew what she needed, she knew when she didn’t have it, but she didn’t know how to teach it.
This is a fundamental problem I keep seeing so all she is left with is frustration or sadness.
If this goes on for too long many women will find their energy becoming far too masculine too often and she will be losing connection with herself as well as him.
No man naturally knows what to do when this happens so he is left knowing he is failing every day.
What most men want is to fix the problem, so if he can see that learning her emotional connection needs is going to lead her to find him more attractive and more sexually connected to him, what man wouldn’t want to learn that skill?