Couples that lose their intimate connection have done so for good reason. The challenge is they don’t really understand why it has happened. Worse many couples believe in a devastating myth that the sexual connection dies as the years pass so they expect it to.
The result is they do little to change their behaviours and happily step closer and closer to really big problems.
Some couples have come to me because they think they or their partner has a problem with sex. Most sexual problems couples face is not a sexual issue, for many it’s a symptom of a deeper challenge in the couples dynamic.
I have a seen quite a few couples that have ended up in a very traumatised state because they thought a sexual problem needs a sexual therapist.
The biggest cause of a breakdown in sexual connection is when the foundations of the relationship have been compromised, but for many couples it not obvious as to how or why this has happened. They actually can ignore it for years until one person snaps and requests a divorce or has an affair.
So life for both people can start to feel wrong without sex, but it will feel confusing because there has been no affair and no significant breaking of trust.
Some individuals feel their partner is just not interested in sex or has a low sex drive. This is likely to be untrue however always see a doctor to rule out any physical problems.
For the most a loss of sexual connection is because the couple have not understood how to meet each others core needs and so they don’t feel cared for, respected or trusted.
This can result in resentments building and these small resentments lead people to stop seeing their partner sexually.
It is not uncommon for men and women to become so confused by each other that they swop roles without realising. So a female who has become so fed up with her husbands lack of care for her can adopt a more masculine position to protect herself. In this new place there is no way she will ever see him as attractive sexually.
Unsure what to do the man can stay in a weaker position just to please her, but it never does.
The sexual dynamic has to work in and outside of the bedroom. You see she is never going to give herself to him if she has been protecting herself from him all day.
Men will also block sexual activity if he feels she is impossible to please. In fact both people can use sex as a trade or a weapon and this just leads to a power struggle for some it’s obvious there is a problem and for others they suffer in silence.
Keeping a sexual connection alive needs a few very powerful skills one of those skill is to learn that a person who is focused on themselves is not in a giving space and this is guaranteed to kill sexual energy.
- If you are struggling and want to learn more call Cloe and she will help you.