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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Fight the problem NOT each other”!

As each person presents their truth what is easy to see is when each person tells me their version of events the problem they face is true to them.

The problem is their partner has a different perspective about the same situation, so who is right?

What they are not seeing is they are both right from their own perspective.

You see what we are not told is the profound difference between us and our partners emotional drivers, needs, value make-up, communication styles and what equals attraction.

The biggest problem is we think we are versions of each other and so we set our expectations so we get upset when they don’t do what we want them to, or what we would do.

Our partner will never act they way we would because they see and experience the world very differently.

When men try to fix a woman’s problems why are they now more upset with him? After all, this is what he is primarily designed to do.

Why do men assume the problem he is trying to fix for her is the right problem to fix?

You see the couples are so busy being right, self-protecting and being hurt that they are missing a fundamental problem.

They are designed to see the world differently so the challenges they face are normal yet they think there is something wrong with their partner or their partner doesn’t care.

In most cases that isn’t true.

If two people are simply experiencing a different truth surely we can’t make their individual perspectives wrong.

What if two people understood the problem in such a way they could become a team and fight the problem and not each other?

What the couples in trouble are doing is not respecting the problem from their partners perspective, because they are so entrenched in their own problems under the illusion they are right.

Your partner might not be behaving in a way that you would like so what do we assume, your partner intends to harm you?

In most cases people are not trying to hurt their partner, they may get frustrated at times and lash out, but really all they want is to have normal feelings that grow relationships.

What if couples stopped their fight and started to learn the problems from both perspectives.

What’s missing is love and compassion for each others perspective and it’s due to ill thought-out expectations.

We expect our partners to perform in a way they are not designed to and when they fail we judge and blame them and this practice creates self-protection and then we wonder why the love has died.

The starting point is to understand a fundamental fact!

Your partner is not like you in so many ways so instead of judging and blaming them for not seeing the world the same as you.

Maybe the quest should be to understand the world from their perspective and learn a skill that helps you get the best out of them.

What if we replaced the negative triggers with positive ones, remember you can only achieve this once you have understood them.

Remember your battle as a couple is with “the problems” and not each other so just because you don’t understand your partner or their upset it’s doesn’t make them wrong.

So the next step is to get the correct translation of the problem so you can understand it, then and only then can you become an effective partner and relationship team member.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
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  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
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  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…
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  • “Do you have good family values?” – Mini Post
  • “Which man should she choose?” – Mini post
  • “Did you enjoy yourself?” – Mini Post
  • The connection that kills passion – Mini post
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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
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  • About
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  • Over 1000 Articles
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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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