There is no question that a significant percentage of the population is struggling to understand how to keep their marriage alive because they are missing the foundation you are about to read about.
By alive I mean passionate and emotionally connected whilst both excited about their future and purpose for being together.
So why is this so difficult for so many?
The real reason is simple…
It takes very little skill to fall in love but it takes real understanding to keep a loving passionate connection alive for life.
Building a successful marriage takes an understanding of critical foundations that if constantly practised gives couples a significantly better chance of keeping a marriage alive for life.
The first foundation is making the marriage important focus from day one. I know that’s too late for most people but you can start today once you know how.
Marriages need feeding and when life takes over it’s so easy for the marriage to take a back seat. Kids, jobs, homes friends, families all needing attention.
When I say make it important what I’m really saying is make it the most important part of your life because the moment it goes seriously wrong it will then be your only focus as you either try to save it or get out of it.
The next question is how do we make it important what do we have to do?
Of course, every couple is different and what they need will be different so I’m going to provide you with a frame of where your focus must be.
So the goal is to help your partner love how they feel about themselves when they are with you.
So the foundations have to achieve this goal.
So keeping pleasure high and resentments low is a critical goal. Remember when resentments have stacked the desire to meet a partner’s needs will be low to zero.
In this specific case, you will need a reinvestment strategy to get your partner back.
So keeping pleasure high and resentments low you’ll need to juggle some important dynamics.
You must meet your partner critical needs.
These needs start with a foundation of security knowing your partner has their back at all times in the way they need it.
They will need to feel attraction so you’re going to have to learn what will keep your chemistry alive because so many couples lose this critical attachment with each other – what turns them on what turns them off.
This can be of course in the bedroom but the most important bridge to successful intimacy is what happens outside of the bedroom in conversations, behaviours how conflict is dealt with to name a few.
Passionless couples that have lost attraction are this way for a good reason and they must learn how to ignite their passion for each other again.
Couples will need to understand how to help their partner feel important and needed, they will need to bring love in the way their partner needs it. A big mistake is giving your partner love in the way you need it. It’s highly likely they will need it very differently to you.
They will need to find ways to play and have fun together who wants to spend significant time with a boring person?
They will need to learn how to understand each other so what’s being said is actually heard. This alone can collapse a marriage and is a significant part of my teachings with all couples that attend my programs.
You must hear your partners cry for help and not be their judge – to be clear judging isn’t loving so it can have a destructive effect on the couple’s connection.
You both must grow the relationship into a future that you both agree has a purpose and is exciting – just being a mum and a dad is not enough as kids do leave home.
I see many retired couples who struggle to understand why they are together once the kids leave home.
You must learn how to disagree and grow closer from those exchanges.
You must learn that your partner is driven by very different needs to you and so they must be free to be who they are in the marriage.
My biggest message to men is become a detective and learn about your wife. How she operates is very different to you and whilst can feel illogical to you is very logical to her – A big part of my work is to help men put logic to women’s behaviours.
My biggest message to women is understanding that your husband is not a version of you and how he thinks and behaves is never going to be the same as you.
What you have read above is something you can learn but is not natural to just know, so please don’t assume just because you are struggling with some of the above you are incompatible.
So many couples get into trouble simply because they are lacking the key skills that will keep each other happy.
I see couples reconnect every day so change can happen all you need is to have the courage to discover your truth and learn how to become valuable to each other again…
…this time for life!
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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