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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“FREEDOM”

One of the biggest requests from people who have suffered in their marriage is they want space, freedom to think, they just want to get away, run away, escape it all.

It’s why so many seek/demand separation or temporary separation as the best next step to buy some time.

In extreme cases, I agree with this as a strategy, but for most people, it’s a dangerous one as you see in today’s post.

They want freedom from their pain and suffering, they want freedom from the problems and the feelings that make them feel awful at home.

They need time and space to think.

Their quest for FREEDOM is a critical need, but it must be understood so a hard life session doesn’t create a life of regret for the person seeking that freedom.

So I wanted to help couples avoid this trap.

Below is a typical example: 

This quest for freedom can start in a person gravitating to working longer hours, or they may increase their desire/frequency to get out of the house and spend time with friends and family.

Some do this consciously, some initially are unaware.

In essence they are looking for ways to get away from their partner.

They are naturally wanting to get away from the feelings they don’t like when their partner is around.

The problem with this pattern is they start to learn something which makes total sense but is not necessarily true. 

They learn when they are away from their partner they feel better about themselves, when they are at home with their partner they feel bad within themselves.

That thought process seems logical, but remember the person creating their feelings is them. No one can run inside a persons mind and make them feel anything.

The most another person can do is influence/trigger them, so after the initial trigger, the rest of their emotions is theirs to own.

IMPORTANT: So the person wanting FREEDOM, needing to escape, to get away is actually wanting to get away from the feelings they are creating in their own mind when they are with, or around their partner.

This is why separation can be so dangerous for a couple, the person wanting to get out can attach their instant relief to them being apart and this becomes their truth.

They may think this is the solution and so they lose a critical opportunity to learn a life-changing critical lesson.

In reality, they felt better because they dropped their emotional wall, the wall they put up to protected them, but keeping the wall up was exhausting and emotionally painful.

The process of dropping the wall of protection is the cause of the relief and of course, that wall of protection is not needed when they are apart.

So when people are asking for freedom what they really need is help to understand how they can be free to be themselves within the marriage, free to no longer have to put the emotional wall of protection up.

This is where true FREEDOM sits and what most people struggle to connect to and understand.

Far too many people lose themselves in their marriage and it’s because they don’t have the understanding, or the skills to keep their true identity alive so they don’t feel free and some feel they have to leave to gain freedom back.

Maintaining their own identity is their responsibility and in a skilled relationship, it’s both people who can help each other with this.

So they lose connection with themselves and then each other, they then feel bad attach their pain to their partner, and the ping-pong of destruction starts to appear as their fears take over the marriage and the emotional walls go up.

Judgments, blame, self-protection, defensiveness, control, withholding all become part of the couple’s dynamic.

It’s normal to want to escape all that, but ending the marriage doesn’t tell you a critical truth about each person and their relationship and what it was capable of.

It would be such a shame to learn the wrong lesson from a marriage that’s suffering only to repeat the same destructive patterns in future relationships.

The question is this…

Do I know how to be my core self in my relationship? Do I know how to reclaim my identity and make a safe decision about my future?

  • Some people need to be freed from their past.
  • Some people do need to be freed from their relationship, but they must find out the root problems in case they are part of the problem.
  • Some need to be freed from their limiting beliefs.
  • Some need to be freed from their destructive thinking that blocks love from existing and growing.
  • Some people need to learn the steps to be free in their own relationships.

The answers to those questions and thinking with wisdom is where your FREEDOM sits!!!

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages? - July 8, 2025
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?” - July 5, 2025
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It. - July 2, 2025

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  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

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Recent Posts

  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages?
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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