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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“FREEDOM”

One of the biggest requests from people who have suffered in their marriage is they want space, freedom to think, they just want to get away, run away, escape it all.

It’s why so many seek/demand separation or temporary separation as the best next step to buy some time.

In extreme cases, I agree with this as a strategy, but for most people, it’s a dangerous one as you see in today’s post.

They want freedom from their pain and suffering, they want freedom from the problems and the feelings that make them feel awful at home.

They need time and space to think.

Their quest for FREEDOM is a critical need, but it must be understood so a hard life session doesn’t create a life of regret for the person seeking that freedom.

So I wanted to help couples avoid this trap.

Below is a typical example: 

This quest for freedom can start in a person gravitating to working longer hours, or they may increase their desire/frequency to get out of the house and spend time with friends and family.

Some do this consciously, some initially are unaware.

In essence they are looking for ways to get away from their partner.

They are naturally wanting to get away from the feelings they don’t like when their partner is around.

The problem with this pattern is they start to learn something which makes total sense but is not necessarily true. 

They learn when they are away from their partner they feel better about themselves, when they are at home with their partner they feel bad within themselves.

That thought process seems logical, but remember the person creating their feelings is them. No one can run inside a persons mind and make them feel anything.

The most another person can do is influence/trigger them, so after the initial trigger, the rest of their emotions is theirs to own.

IMPORTANT: So the person wanting FREEDOM, needing to escape, to get away is actually wanting to get away from the feelings they are creating in their own mind when they are with, or around their partner.

This is why separation can be so dangerous for a couple, the person wanting to get out can attach their instant relief to them being apart and this becomes their truth.

They may think this is the solution and so they lose a critical opportunity to learn a life-changing critical lesson.

In reality, they felt better because they dropped their emotional wall, the wall they put up to protected them, but keeping the wall up was exhausting and emotionally painful.

The process of dropping the wall of protection is the cause of the relief and of course, that wall of protection is not needed when they are apart.

So when people are asking for freedom what they really need is help to understand how they can be free to be themselves within the marriage, free to no longer have to put the emotional wall of protection up.

This is where true FREEDOM sits and what most people struggle to connect to and understand.

Far too many people lose themselves in their marriage and it’s because they don’t have the understanding, or the skills to keep their true identity alive so they don’t feel free and some feel they have to leave to gain freedom back.

Maintaining their own identity is their responsibility and in a skilled relationship, it’s both people who can help each other with this.

So they lose connection with themselves and then each other, they then feel bad attach their pain to their partner, and the ping-pong of destruction starts to appear as their fears take over the marriage and the emotional walls go up.

Judgments, blame, self-protection, defensiveness, control, withholding all become part of the couple’s dynamic.

It’s normal to want to escape all that, but ending the marriage doesn’t tell you a critical truth about each person and their relationship and what it was capable of.

It would be such a shame to learn the wrong lesson from a marriage that’s suffering only to repeat the same destructive patterns in future relationships.

The question is this…

Do I know how to be my core self in my relationship? Do I know how to reclaim my identity and make a safe decision about my future?

  • Some people need to be freed from their past.
  • Some people do need to be freed from their relationship, but they must find out the root problems in case they are part of the problem.
  • Some need to be freed from their limiting beliefs.
  • Some need to be freed from their destructive thinking that blocks love from existing and growing.
  • Some people need to learn the steps to be free in their own relationships.

The answers to those questions and thinking with wisdom is where your FREEDOM sits!!!

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Separation & Divorce

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Stop bickering and arguing – Mini Post
  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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