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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Do you have good family values?” – Mini Post

This topic holds hidden power for each of us but I didn’t start to understand this until I was 29 that was 28 years ago and even then it took a while for the penny to drop.

Couples have reconnected based on them, people have stopped their suicide based on them, and people have come out of depression and anxiety using them.

I have even seen people come off lifelong medication by using the new understanding of their values.

I have personally run many four-hour sessions on understanding values to help people self-align with who they really are to stop their own suffering.

So little is understood about their own values yet they are the hidden key to so many of life’s challenges.

The reason they are so powerful is they are foundational to our identity and this creates our ability to be our true selves.

When people cannot be themselves for whatever reason life can feel emotionally exhausting.

Many people tell me they have good values. Some couples even tell me they share the same important values.

I then ask them what they are, I’m usually met with an uncomfortable silence because they don’t really know.

You see the reason I ask them is I can see what their core values are, but I can also see they are not living true to them, and this practice will lead them to suffer.

You see there is little point in thinking you are a “kind person” if what you do isn’t “kind” there is no point in thinking you are loving if being loving isn’t how you act.

The problem people don’t see is values are binary.

They are either on, or they are off, you can’t be “kind of trustworthy” you either are or you are not.

A person unaware of their values will be an out-of-control person so won’t be aware of this concept, they will switch their values on and off based on situations or how those around them act towards them.

So they are naturally powerless emotionally and unable to consistently commit to being themselves.

So can we tell our children it’s okay to be trustworthy occasionally?

Of course not, so if you are kind only when you feel like it, at an identity level who are you when you are not kind so not being yourself?

This is the problem everyone faces most have no idea what they value so they have no idea when they are being themselves or misrepresenting themselves.

If I’m not living true to my own values I’m going to live disconnected from being my true identity.

So they end up lost, living in the wrong identity too often which is emotionally painful for anyone.

Most people are inconsistent and reactive so they switch what they value on and off to suit the situation and then wonder why life isn’t working out, or why others see them as flaky.

Just so you know, it’s the people who keep disconnecting from their own values are the ones that suffer in life the most or bring pain to others.

People who have distorted relationships with themselves tend to be a big part of creating relationship patterns that don’t work.

In most marriages, the biggest problems are the individual’s relationship with themselves, they don’t know how to maintain values-integrity so they lose connection with themselves and their partner as a result.

If values are the engine of how a person experiences the world, not understanding this means they will live out of control and never be able to choose the feelings that matter.

When we live disconnected from our values we disconnect from our identity and who we are and when this happens we suffer.

We will then struggle to be good partners because if our relationship with ourselves is not working there is no way our relationship with others will work.

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Recent Posts

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
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  • About
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  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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