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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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How Do You Know Your Relationship Is Over?

Some people are staying in broken relationships for far too long they spend years fearful to put their hand up and share they are genuinely unhappy.

Some people share with me they did tell their partner they were unhappy, but when nothing changed they still stayed in the marriage unaware this action was teaching their partner their problems were not that bad after all.

In contrast, far too many people are making the assumption their relationship is over when in reality if they could see and connect to the root of why they feel that way they could have a very different perspective.

So understanding the end of a relationship is complex and is highly traumatic if they both don’t agree.

So the mission for couples who are struggling isn’t to fix the marriage.

The mission is to discover if two intelligent people with the right information can understand their crisis and learn the skills they didn’t know they needed to create a dynamic that works for both of them.

One gentleman was 100% convinced his marriage was over; all he wanted to do was escape.

I shared with him the danger of leaving without fully understanding why their marriage had become destructive.

He ignored me and left his wife and family.

As he started to date other women, he quickly noticed that the emotions that he didn’t trust in his wife, he was now getting from these new women.

He was totally confused and came to share his experience with me.

I took him back into his marriage.

I shared with him I could see was he was genuinely in pain in his marriage, but the question was why was he in pain?

He said his wife was too controlling he wasn’t free; this is why he left.

We discovered that in his world, she controlled him by getting upset and angry at him.

He said he didn’t like the conflict so when she got upset, he either escaped or submitted.

This man was missing something fundamental. His lack of understanding of his wife emotions meant he felt under attack.

That was his translation, but not her intent at all.

The reality for her was she upset with him because he never understood her; she wasn’t trying to control him; she was trying to get through because she felt so alone.

So this man left his wife because he didn’t like his translation of her emotions.

He didn’t like what he did to himself, so he had to leave her.

This type of misunderstanding is so common for couples, for this couple all they both had to do was understand the correct translations of each other’s words and behaviours and they could then be on the same page.

This man learnt a fundamental lesson.

You cannot rely on the wrong DATA to make a life-changing decision.

Yes in his case she was saying bad words at volume, but was she really a mean, controlling women that wanted your life to be awful or was this for her the last attempt at getting through to you so you could see her pain and suffering based on feeling alone for years?

Couples need to learn the skills not only to correctly translate what their partner is really going through, but they must become effective observers of their own emotions to know when their own responses are destructive to themselves.

Genuine incompatibility is rarer than you would think.

Couples generally struggle because, either they have at some point in their life created destructive patterns of behaviour, or they simply don’t have the knowledge of how to be of value to a relationship/specifically their partner.

So my advice to the couples I see is firstly we are not trying to fix you.

We are expanding your knowledge so you can both understand what is confusing/upsetting.

You see when couples learn why their marriage became destructive how to correct that and then be of significant value to each other, their perspective of the future can change.

Marriages for life don’t just work; they need to keep a very specific attraction dynamic alive, or they become friends and for many, not very good ones.

Successful marriage are not the ones that stay together for years miserable, but at least we didn’t divorce.

Successful marriages are the ones that are full of connection, purpose and excitement.

If you have lost that energy then find out why. A few simple shifts of understanding are standing in the way of so many relationships happiness?

It’s 100% true not all people should be together but unless you know the real reason your marriage isn’t working it’s totally possible to recreate the same problems in new relationships.

The starting point for all couples is the understanding your partner is not the same as you, this means if you translate their behaviours using you own thoughts you are likely to be wrong about their meanings and their intent.

 

 

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Can’t live with you. Can’t live without you!
  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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