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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“How does love die?”

So many couples are struggling to understand how the love they once shared has changed and they are now edging towards divorce. Many of these couples are unaware the love they had died because they didn’t know what to do to keep it alive.

Sadly many divorces happen because they think their love is dead when in reality it was simply dormant.

Relationships need feeding and so many couples are not understanding how they are killing the very thing they want to keep.

Love can start to die in a marriage when one person starts to focus on themselves and their own needs, this can happen if

  • the person is naturally self-absorbed
  • the person is living in a needs deficit so they feel uncared for
  • the person struggles to trust their partner – this could be for good reason or they suffer from trust issues.
  • the person doesn’t know how to grow a relationship

Couples who are most successful have learnt what their partner needs and are focused on making sure those needs are met.

Far too many people are giving to their partner what they themselves need, totally unaware their partners’ needs are going to be very different.

This is going to be frustrating for both people and can create emotional distance.

When both people take their focus off themselves and practice putting their focus on each other this creates a foundation of security without security needing to be their focus.

Many couples try to get their needs met in distorted ways – I’ll do this for you if you do this for me.  This trade of needs comes from a focus on the persons’ self-interest.

Love can’t grow from a focus on me. “Me” focused relationships will always suffer.

I give to you because it’s who I am, creates a significantly more powerful connection that would feel authentic.

It’s important to stress that when you are giving that you don’t lose who you are in the process. Many people I see are people pleasers and they live with partners who are happy to take. This is a distortion and kills love.

Giving to your partner must connect you to who you are and who you want to be.

Effective communication is a missing skill for many

When couples are happy they are not seeing their communication differences. When stress hits their differences become significant.

Unfortunately, these misunderstood differences actually cause more stress as the couples struggle to make sense of their conflict.

If we look at a very basic example; some men are trying to fix the problems that women don’t need fixing. All she needs is someone to talk to and he keeps trying to shut the conversation down and move on.

Many women with this problem feel he doesn’t care and the men are frustrated she’s not happy he tried to help her.

Not being able to connect with each other is another factor that kills love as they are always on different pages.

I spend a significant amount of time training couples how to speak and listen to what their partner is really saying.

A generalisation is men are not naturally good at translating what women are trying to say and women are convinced they are being crystal clear. This is a recipe for disaster because in her mind he doesn’t care and this will lead her to switch off love.

She can also try to look for a deeper meaning to his words when in reality what he says is probably all he means.

Again every couple is different but if you’re not getting through to each other there will be a comprehension problem that will create a disconnect.

Becoming an influencer

Many people are trying to avoid vulnerability, in western society we are taught vulnerability is a bad thing. Unfortunately, vulnerability is a critical key ingredient in keeping couples love alive.

Someone who won’t be vulnerable is protecting themselves. Self-protection in relationships kills love.

The key to being vulnerable is being able to positively influence the relationship no matter how good or bad things become.

This takes a real understanding of your partner, how they think and what they really need.

Many people in long-term relationships will say they have love for each other, but what they struggled to keep alive is their ability to be “in love” with each other.

If you don’t know what you are doing you can without knowing, kill your love and connection.

Keeping a relationship loving and passionate is a skill that so many couples lack. Sadly through social conditioning, they expect their passion for each other to dwindle and when it does they don’t worry.

Loss of passion is just one sign their love is being challenged.

As the years pass at least one person in a couple is swopping their need for passion with a need for security and it’s killing their love for each other without them knowing.

The key to a successful marriage is becoming conscious of how to successfully keep your connection alive.

  • Controlling a partner will kill love
  • Lack of openness will kill love
  • Lack of purpose will kill love
  • Loss of freedom will kill love
  • Loss of connection/understanding
  • Loss of trust will kill love
  • Any energy that leads one person to protect themselves from their partner will kill their love

 

 

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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