For twenty years they lived together, she never felt loved by him, but he loved her with all his heart. He showed his love in so many ways, but she never really felt it.
He gave her everything he could think of, but he knew in his heart whatever he did was never really enough. Even though he knew she was not truly happy inside he could never let her go, because he loved her so much. He hoped she would see what a great man he was and the unspoken problems would go away.
In her eyes he was a good man, but he just failed to connect with her, but she couldn’t leave him he was a good provider loving father and kind at heart.
So day-by-day they lived together their identity clearly defined, house wife, worker, mum and dad. They only felt their true identity when they were alone with their friends so they accepted their lot together and looked forward to time with others.
This is a very common story, with a very simple solution.
For twenty years he was giving her what he thought she wanted and he never took the time to learn about her. She had been telling him how to please her but with hints he clearly ignored so she gave up.
He never asked her what she needed, how she needed it, and when. She never told him because telling him would spoil it. He bought her stuff, he came home with the money, he loved the kids, they went on nice holidays, had a lovely home. Everything a woman should love in his mind.
In her eyes yes she appreciated it all, but she also knew he had never taken the time to understand what she needed. She felt lonely, misunderstood, and emotionally numb with him her only connection was with the children and girlfriends.
She felt guilt, because she felt this way but couldn’t escape how she felt.
The solution is simple
Yes giving is the answer, but give what your partner really needs don’t assume you know. If you do ask listen, listen to what they say and honour their words.
If all couples understood their own needs communicated those needs to their partner and their partner became addicted to meeting those needs.
What kind of connection would that couple have? Yes of course an amazing one!