In today’s post I’m going to look a relationships in crisis and what you have to stop focusing on to fix it and what will give you the best chance of discovering the truth in your relationship.
A relationship crisis can happen for many reasons and it’s a hideous place for both people to be in. Full of uncertainty, fears such as rejection, betrayal, loss of love, feeling of not being enough. The couple can feel it’s hopeless as they are powerless to see how they can overcome their problems. Especially if their problems have been present for a while.
A relationship usually hits extreme crisis when trust is massively compromised, affairs is an obvious one, but drinking, drugs, gambling etc can all affect the relationship very quickly.
Other ways a marriage can hit crisis is when over time the couple grow apart. One person may feel that the relationship is dead and so wants to leave it. This communication can put them into crisis.
It’s important to understand that relationships don’t fail overnight, it actually takes time.
- Some couples struggle to communicate.
- Some couples have a loss of intimacy.
- Some couples don’t share the same interests.
- Some are constantly arguing.
- Some feel they have lost any sense of their future or shared goals.
- Some have lost themselves in the relationship and so their identity is compromised.
- Some have on going problems like OCD or depression
Many problems can present themselves and it can feel overwhelming. So where do we focus our energy at this critical time?
You energy needs to be focused in the place that will make the most difference.
You see when building a successful relationship with your partner there are only a few things you have to do that will make 80% of the difference.
Couples spend too much time on what doesn’t matter and not enough time on what does.
This is important
It’s important to know that any problems you will be having at crisis or leading up to crisis is NOT the real problem (of course I don’t know your specific case, but 99% of the couples that come to me with problems are focused on the symptom of the problem and that’s why they never fix it).
Couples can spend months and sometimes years trying to fix their problems, not understanding that these are SYMPTOMS of the real problem.
Fix the SYMPTOM and another problem will present it’s self.
Fix the REAL PROBLEM and the couple are presented with the truth in their relationship.
You see, when you fix the REAL PROBLEM the couple will start to understand what was happening. This puts them back in control which gives them both confidence, this in turn reduces their fears and their focus shifts from self-protection to caring, kindness and love in the way the couple really needs.
The relationship can then feel very different.
Relationships only feel hopeless when the couple have run out of ways to fix it and what they both know is usually not enough.
They need tools and a new understanding and clear guidance so when they take action their action is likely to be successful for both people.
One couple came to me to fix their marriage and had seen 4 different types of therapy, each one had focused on fixing the SYMPTOM it didn’t work and desperate they came to me.
All I did was refocused them to fix their real problem.
I gave them the understanding and the tools and within 8 weeks their relationship was back on track. She recently came into my office for help with an unrelated challenge and was beaming thanking me for saving their marriage.
- If this has struck a chord with you please contact my office for an initial consultation to explore your specific challenge and I will build you a plan to overcome it.
