When I was growing up I never knew that I needed skills to make my relationships work. It never crossed my mind, I thought that relationships just happened. Two people met fell in love and that was life sorted.
So when problems started to happen for me the message was… “you have to work at it”. Well that message sounded hard to do because I had no idea what that really meant and aren’t relationships supposed to be fun? Good Lord, what was I thinking! Clearly not much back then, but I knew I was getting it wrong…
So when I started my search to discover what would really work I had no idea I was in for such a steep learning curve.
There was so much to learn and as I discovered more I could feel anger bubbling within me, why was I not taught this growing up? After all isn’t falling in love and keeping a relationship alive one of the biggest life skills we all need?
I didn’t know that the way women think was totally different to me.
I was shocked when this dawned because suddenly I could see how unfair I had been. I had judged my partners based on my own standards and rules for living totally missing that their rules and needs were totally different to mine.
I wanted respect from my partners because I felt I was not getting it, but without realising I was not respecting them either.
I was judging them and I was not qualified to. When I look back I cringe at myself, but my intent was to be loving, I knew I was a good person, but clearly even though my intent was good how my partner received it wasn’t good for them, I never knew.
I never considered putting myself in her shoes, I suppose I thought she felt the same as me and was being difficult on purpose.
Well these destructive philosophies kept leading me to disaster over and over again.
She would get angry, I never knew she just wanted love. She would change her mind constantly I thought that meant I couldn’t trust her. She would say a thousand words I never knew she just wanted to connect with me I kept looking for a problem to solve.
Deep down I knew she was different, but I didn’t know how different.
I cannot stress this enough, one of the major causes of relationship breakdown is not understanding the significant differences between men and women.
So many men are not listening to their partners cry for help and they wait until she is so disconnected before he looks for help, this is very risky.
To all men reading this please take action, because many problems can be sorted very quickly, but if you ignore them and they are allowed to get hold of your relationship you will find yourself in a significant battle that can feel impossible to win.
The person that once lovingly looked into your eyes and would do anything for you, can make a significant shift to feel like a total stranger as they lock down and pull their love away.
To be clear the reverse can happen too, but I see more men leaving it far too late to win her back after she has detached.
He says “I didn’t realise it was this bad”, when she picks her jaw off the floor she says “I cannot believe he couldn’t see it!”
To all women in this position, men will never get what you’re feeling, you have to learn how to get through to him, I never knew how to hear what my partner was really saying I had to learn this too.
The great thing is it can be learnt, both people can learn.
This is the difference that makes the difference. I teach couples how to love and look after each other for life this is what for me makes relationship coaching such an amazing process.
Couples tell me it’s like I’ve turned on a light in their relationship.
My relationship with Cloe is a clear testament that now I am getting it right and remember I was not born with this gift I had to learn it and so whatever life stage you are in believe me, learning how to love for life has been the most amazing gift life has given me.
I can’t wait to to share that valuable gift of how to love for life with you both…