At the heart of any quest for growth is courage, whether it’s rebuilding a marriage or starting a business.
The reason courage is required is because the process of growth is usually uncomfortable because there is no certainty in the outcome.
So for many growth is a risk so they chose not to grow as it’s safer.
An obvious example is someone learning how to speak in public.
What starts off as a painful exercise for many can turn into a real pleasure at bringing value-based energy to so many at once.
To really gain the life you want it’s about becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable.
This concept is so true in the field of rebuilding relationships.
It’s easy to blame someone else
People are discovering what they are both doing isn’t working and the easy way out is to blame their partner.
It’s easy to blame someone else as there is no risk, plus someone else has to put in all the effort to fix the problems.
The blame my partner and wait for them to change strategy never works so they will either suffer forever, get divorced, or in the end seek help.
Courage is required when the person realises that they are part of the problem and they didn’t realise.
This means that rather than sitting back and waiting for others to change they have to reinvest and this means accepting responsibility and embracing vulnerability.
It takes real courage
Vulnerability is hard for so many because it takes real courage to really invest in their marriage when they cannot control the outcomes.
Too many people are under the misconception that holding back will protect them.
Unfortunately holding back is the first step to serious problems.
You cannot turn up to work when you feel like it, you can’t NOT feed the kids.
So why do so many couples treat their relationship differently.
With relationships you are either in or out, or you are learning.
When couples seek marital help some are worried it won’t work and some are worried it will.
The ones that won’t take action simply lack the courage needed to discover the truth of what they are capable of.
With so much fear and so much at stake it does take guts to leap into the unknown.
He was at a crossroads
I remember speaking to one couple where he had badly broken her trust and he was questioning why it happened and if it was a sign she wasn’t right for him.
This moment and those thoughts could have stopped him. What if his emotional affair was his true love? He was so confused.
This was a worrying moment for this couple because they had one small child and another on the way.
I told him that the chances are the energy that attracted him to his wife was the right energy and what has happened since is due to confusion and misunderstandings on both sides.
I told them they had both stopped feeding the marriage, all it needed was feeding again.
When problems strike in marriages people gravitate towards meeting their needs outside of the marriage.
So I instructed him to block all ways he was meeting his needs outside the marriage and to look for those needs with his wife only.
He must 100% reinvest in her and in his marriage to discover what they were both capable of.
He also had to learn who he had to become to connect to himself and be of value to her.
He could have become one of those people who take the easy route out, but he decided he wasn’t going to be GUTLESS he embraced his courage and accepted the challenge.
He would reject his fears and concerns and go all in with 100% commitment for himself and his wife.
He didn’t take the easy way out he fought for the truth of their connection and thankfully it paid off.
They have a lovely family now expanded to 3 kids all doing well as it should be.
All they did was learn new skills and took a leap of faith and a mountain of courage to implement them.
In his words “I don’t want to be a gutless here, I want to dig deep and discover our truth whatever that is”.