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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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[IMPORTANT] Few couples are aware of this…

So here is an interesting thought, what if the identity you live in day-to-day works for one part of your life, but is disastrous for the other important parts and you don’t know this, or the impact you are having on your family.

Every couple that is in trouble experiences this in different ways, below is a couple of examples. As you scan through this post you can start to see how this pattern could have affected your relationship and what needs to happen to change it.

I remember one lady telling me she felt like one of her husbands employees. Obviously being CEO of his wife was never going to work, but he had a challenge, he was a very successful CEO and was so comfortable within his CEO identity this is how he lived his life even at home.

The challenge he faced was he had become upset at how the people that didn’t work for him (his family) responded to him. He thought his CEO status should just bring him love and respect, he was confused when it didn’t happen and assumed his family specially his wife didn’t love him.

You see the identity you live in when you show up in your relationship is so important.

Take Cloe and I for example, we are very aware of the different roles we have, husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter, lovers, coach, director, leader just to name a few.

Do you think that each one of these key roles has the same identity? If you think each roll has the same identity then please think again.

These different identities will all have very different needs and not knowing this can cause hidden problems.

What’s interesting these identities are not restricted to our roles in life they can be designed in reaction to different life experiences creating many versions of us.

For example a successful man may have created his “success identity” through his parents rejection of him when he didn’t do well at school.

For him success and personal growth = love. For him when he did well he was loved and this was emotionally powerful to create a pattern to get love for life.

So in his life this man becomes compelled to be successful because it equals the love he desperately craves. This pattern of thought is automatic without him knowing, to grow he has to focus on himself and his work, so in his quest for love through personal growth, the relationship is starved of the love it really needs.  He thinks he is giving love to his family through being successful at work, this is his illusion that could lead him to a divorce.

This is why our parents can have a profound effect on us, we may have had to reject parts of our true selves to get the love we needed from our parents.

This can result in us feeling wrong for years not really knowing why.

Individuals who are living in troubled relationships will often talk about feeling they have lost their identity.

What they are feeling is true and in this space they will end up feeling empty and exhausted the more time that passes.

Getting back to their true identity and creating a successful relationship is possible once the person  understands the what they are really trying to achieve and learns how to achieve that goal.

So when you look at what you or your partner is doing in your relationship and the result is not the one you want. It’s likely that you have both lost a sense of your true selves and this going to be one of the reasons you are both in trouble.

Changing the patterns of behaviour so they lead to the goals the individuals are really trying to achieve has to be the mission to get the relationship back on track.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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