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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

Photo by Tony Rojas on Unsplash
When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end.

When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first. 

She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would even turn up.

She’d had an affair and when he found out the relationship went into a full-blown free fall.

It had tipped him over the edge, she had never seen him this bad and was convinced it was the end for them.

We both waited for him to arrive and when he did it was clear his pain was unbearable for him.

It was like he was trying to escape from his own body, unable to sit still or remain focused he was ready to run at the slightest wrong word or look.

That day was the start of the 3 of us working as a team to define their future.

It was tough work, but it is what freed them to discover their truth. 

That first meeting was two years ago. 

He is a CEO of a well knowing company and after the work we did on his marriage he came back asking me to become his personal coach.

On a recent call we started an interesting discussion about what happened to them. 

I asked him how they both were today.

I was delighted to hear they were better than they had ever been.

But I was curious what was it that made the difference for him and his wife?

He told me he was convinced it was over

I asked him – How do you think you went from such a bad place to one where you are the happiest you have ever been?

He said when he first discovered his wife’s affair he was convinced it was over.

He said I just couldn’t see how we could ever survive it.

We tried to deal with what happened together, but any wrong turn would have meant an almost certain divorce, we were making it worse.

Trying to navigate it was like walking through a minefield blindfolded, I knew we needed help but I wasn’t sure I wanted it to work.

He said to me without you there is no doubt we would have divorced.

What we learnt was life changing

So for you I became the guide through your mindfield.

Exactly

So on reflection what was it about the work we did that helped you.

He said there were 3 things that really made the difference for him.

  1. Having you an expert to help us was critical.
  2. When we peeled back all the crap and all our distortions, limiting beliefs and misunderstanding we found a way to connect to love. Love that was buried under our years of resentments.
  3. The third was about us both taking responsibility for our part in what lead her to an affair which was really tough to hear.

His observations were really interesting because if he had never taken responsibility for his part in the state of their relationship before she chose the affair, the affair and all their problems would have been always her fault.

If the state of the relationship was all her doing he would never have been able to forgive her and he would always be out of control of that relationship and it would have ended.

The moment he took responsibility he saw that he could reverse his old destructive behaviours, behaviours he was unaware of and start to influence her positively this shift would keep their connection alive.

This couple had lived disconnected for years, neither person understood how to hear, communicate and care for the other so they couldn’t grow their relationship.

Their lives became parallel and their interest in each other had become lost and full of resentment.

Once they both discovered all the moving parts that would influence their connection they quickly noticed a change in how they felt when they were together.

In short it became easier – which is how it should be.

What enabled this process to work was helping both people to understand their relationship with themselves and how their past and their thinking had shaped who they were and how they showed up.

I helped them become aware of their reactive out-of-control destructive patterns (their triggers) and this created a far more resourceful and far safer version of themselves.

This enabled them to choose what they bought to the relationship that would be of value not just for themselves, but also for each other and their future.

This win-win scenario was critical for their changes to last.

For us this work was life changing.

This couple worked hard and totally invested in the process and followed what I asked them to do outside of the sessions.

Category iconInfidelity-Affairs,  Marriage Coaching,  Testimonials Tag iconaffairs,  infidelity,  save marriage

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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