I asked this lady when was the last time she felt she was her true self in her marriage.
Over the phone I could hear her tears through the silence as she collected herself to answer me.
Losing connection with yourself can create terrible pain and suffering for anyone and people are practising this for years, both men and women suffer with this.
So todays post has two parts. Part one is about the problem many suffer with and part two is the solution they must seek.
So part of any couples process of rebuilding their connection they must have individual self-connection as part of their solution.
- So what had she lost?
- What has she forgotten about who she used to be?
- Who was that person back then and what were her aspirations and dreams?
- Why did she change?
- What was the purpose of the change?
- Some people change to protect the marriage.
- Some change to protect themselves.
- Some change to please .
My message to anyone in a marriage is you must never change who you are.
If you do change you, you will suffer and so whatever the reason for the change is the cost is simply too great.
It’s why reconnecting people to their true-selves can be a big part of what I have to do to help people out of their marital crisis.
So the biggest skill within all successful relationships is in both peoples ability to stay connected to who they are and what they value whilst they navigate the ups and downs of life.
The next question is who are you? Do you know?
Some people know what they have lost and so can describe who they were and what they want to get back to so they have a clear goal.
Other people really don’t know who they are and have always felt lost or have just realised they are lost.
Why people become lost is varied, for some powerful life events can trigger shifts, in others being brought up by parents who are also lost can affect them, everyones journey is different.
Reclaiming self-connection
We are looking for the place where the person first of all is FREE to be all that’s important to them in any situation.
At core they are at peace with who they are, yet confident in a way that disables their need for validation from others.
They are happy with who they are unapologetically.
They have taken their power back and all the energies that are important to them are in focus and present in that persons NOW.
Those important values and emotions will also become an integrated part of their unique life quests and goals.
This allows them to be authentic, happy and always moving towards fulfilment.
We are looking for an emotional system that dissolves their fears with every step forward.
It’s critical to help someone move towards what they want and stop them moving away from what they don’t.
Moving away from what we don’t want is the process that traps us, limits our life and keeps our fears alive.
It traps us because if you move away from what you don’t want, what you don’t want is a constant focus consciously or subconsciously.
For those that achieve this powerful and freeing shift life becomes a very different place to be.
It’s a place of choice, of creativity, opportunity and personal growth.
Reclaiming who you are and knowing with clarity what that is, becomes a powerful foundation for knowing your life direction.
Imagine knowing in advance if any goal or quest will bring you the happiness you desire before you embark on it.
Plus it helps you to navigate problems with confidence as you remain connected to who you are, never letting go of that again.
Never changing yourself to fit in, never changing yourself to please others.
You have chosen to remain authentic and connected to yourself because you know being any less of who you are is not just a disservice to yourself, it’s also a disservice to those that are important to you.
I cannot stress enough how important and powerful this realignment is for a person to achieve.
It’s within us all, all we need is to be shown the way to achieve this.
Reclaiming yourself creates a powerful foundation for relationship building and designing a life you would be proud of.
The biggest part of this process is in the ability to at last be FREE.
If you would like to understand more about reclaiming yourself and your life make contact today.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
- Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other - June 19, 2025
- “Your Marriage is On FIRE” - June 17, 2025
- What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem? - June 13, 2025