So I’m working with this gentleman, and he tells me the intimacy in his marriage has gone.
He really meant he wasn’t happy with his sex life, he was frustrated and his wife felt constant pressure.
Never a good combination.
He told me his partner was away on business and he was hoping she would be up for some fun on her return, but he suspected she wouldn’t be interested as normal.
I asked him when she might return.
He said “she would arrive home early evening in a few days”.
So I asked him if he was going to meet her at the airport?
He said “No, we’ve been married a while we don’t do those sorts of things now, when we were dating I used to meet her at the airport with flowers and carried her bags for her”.
“Did she use to like that”? I asked
“Yes, she loved it”!
“So what used to work, you stopped doing, and now you’re wondering why your connection has changed”?
I told him “I strongly suggest you think back to how you treated her when you first met and start doing that again”.
“I’m not just talking about the airport, of course”.
“If you want your intimacy and sexual connection to return then you must give her a reason to have that level of connection with you”.
I helped him understand that when she connects to that side of her she will want to connect to him, but with so much negative energy she won’t just switch, there needs to be a new normal.
“She also could see sex as something you want to take from her as today she probably feels less valuable to you outside of the bedroom.
“She is not currently connecting to the energy within herself that allows her to want you that way so you have to help her get there”.
“The start of this process happens outside of the bedroom because for her, it’s an emotional process not just a physical one”.
“Plus from what you said it also sounds like you do things for her so she will give you sex, you cannot trade with her for sex because it won’t work out well for you both”.
Give her a reason to want you
Men that put lots of effort into getting the woman of his dreams who thinks he then has her, will find her energy dies as he stops putting effort into what worked.
Passion is about energy.
The energy of lovers needs to be fed and maintained or it will die and you’ll end up just being two people that live together.
For many, it’s the little things that matter most that tell them they are cared for, thought about and desired.
The core of this process sits in the energy that creates an attraction dynamic for that couple.
Every couple is different – most couples kill this energy through lack of understanding, fear, expectations, resentments.
Some couples need a process of rebuilding their emotional security and trust before they get back to this critical stage of intimacy.
This is a process.