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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Learn How to Repair your Marriage”

If you want to learn how to repair your marriage this post is for you. Relationships are extremely valuable and they need looking after if you want to keep them alive, so today you will learn one key skill that’s the foundation to rebuilding your relationship.

The challenge with this is most couples don’t know how to look after the relationship and sadly many are not even aware they have to, they think it should just happen.

Couples end up thinking their relationship is the problem when in reality they are simply bad relationship managers.

To be clear long-term successful relationships don’t just happen they are created, so anyone thinking their initial spark is enough for life is in for a shock.

So many couples create emotional patterns that are designed to protect them, but the reality is these patterns will have starved the relationship of what it needs to survive.

The relationship then starts to break down as the trust dies and no one really knows what to do to stop it.

One or both people will then become fearful which can accelerate the process of disconnect.

How I see relationships in its simplest form is there are two banks you need to keep your eye on.

One is the “Bank of Pleasure”, the other is the “Bank of Resentment”.

Most couples start their relationship with the “Bank of Pleasure” high and the “Bank of Resentment” low so naturally it feels good.

As the relationship progresses and the couple starts to be challenged by their differences, their day-to-day life stresses and their focus turns to what’s wrong.

Resentment starts to grow in the marriage and their focus moves slowly away from what’s great about the relationship and moves toward what’s wrong – it’s this shift of focus that’s catastrophic.

If the person spends long enough in the “what’s wrong land” the person will start a natural defence process that will end up with them feeling emotionally numb, or constantly anxious or on red alert for problems.

The challenge is one or both people in the relationship are going to need to acquire some new skills if they want to repair their marriage.

Skill one: Get on the same page with the real issue(s)!

They need new skills because to successfully repair the relationship they are going to have to be on the same page understanding what the real challenge is.

This is a big problem!

Almost every couple that comes to see me thinks their problem(s) is one thing, only to discover it’s something totally different.

Imagine your both going around in circles thinking your problem is loss of connection only to learn neither person understood the building blocks of a successful connection.

What’s worse is the couple usually doesn’t agree on what their problem is, and then wonders why they have been going around in circles for years.

In many cases, couples are seeing their differences as problems when they would be far more successful if they embraced their differences as strengths.

So they are not a team focused on fixing the same problem, they are in a battle fighting for the other side to see the problem from their perspective.

The fastest way for a couple to kill their sexual energy is to make them the same, fear can drive couples to end up like siblings.

Note: The most successful process for repelling a partner is to control them, and to be clear passive control is bad too.

Getting on the same page with understanding the real problem is the start to repairing the relationship.

No matter how bad things get, the moment there is an alignment at an emotional level then two people are together in a shared reality where their differences are celebrated.

This is a foundation that enables the couple to grow, but only if they have the right tools.

I talk to couples about learning how to create and grow a brand new relationship based on genuine foundations.

Not a rehash of the old unstable ones!

When couples really learn how to understand each other and what’s really important to each other then the relationship can really grow.

Please remember this skill isn’t natural no matter how intuitive a person feels they are.

The process is simple, stop doing what doesn’t work and start doing what does.

This is why my clients come for help they want fast simple and effective solutions to seemingly complex problems they can’t fix on their own.

They want advice that drives their ability to connect as a team whilst looking for win-win solutions to the problems that life throws at us all.

Want to learn how to repair your marriage?

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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  • About
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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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