If you want to learn how to repair your relationship this post is for you. Relationships are extremely valuable and they need looking after if you want to keep them alive, so today you will learn one key skill that’s the foundation to rebuilding your relationship.
The challenge with this is most couples don’t know how to look after the relationship and sadly many are not even aware they have to, they think it should just happen. To be clear successful relationship don’t just happen they are created…
So many couples go in to sadness, anger, frustration and unhappiness – detachment because ‘together’ they have starved the relationship of what it needs to survive.
The relationship then starts to breaks down as the trust dies and no one really knows what to do to stop it. One of both people will then become fearful which can accelerate the process.
How I see relationships in it’s simplest form is their are two banks you need to keep your eye on.
One is the “Bank of Pleasure”, the other is the “Bank of Resentment”.
Most couples start their relationship with the “Bank of Pleasure” high and the “Bank of Resentment” low so naturally it feels good.
As the relationship progresses and the couple start to be challenged by their differences, their day-to-day life stresses and their focus turns to what they think they should or shouldn’t be getting.
Resentment starts to grow in the marriage and their focus moves slowly away from what’s great about the relationship and moves towards what’s wrong – it’s this shift of focus that’s catastrophic.
If the person spends long enough in the “what’s wrong land” the person will start a natural defence process that will end up with them feeling emotionally numb, or constantly anxious on red alert for problems and what they mean.
So to stop the relationship getting to this point what the couple needs is a far greater understanding of how to repair the relationship when trouble strikes.
The challenge is one or both people in the relationship are going to need to acquire some new skills.
Skill one: Get on the same page with the real issue(s)!
They need new skills because to successfully repair the relationship they are going to have to be on the same page understanding what the real challenge is.
This is a big problem! Almost every couples that comes to see me thinks their problem(s) is one thing, only to discover it’s something totally different.
What’s worse is the couple usually don’t agree what their problem is, and then wonder why they have been going round in circles for years.
So they are not a team focused on fixing the same problem, they are in a battle fighting for the other side to see the problem from their perspective.
Getting on the same page with understanding the real problem is the start to repairing the relationship. No matter how bad things get, the moment there is an alignment then two people are together in a shared reality.
This is a foundation that enables the couple to grow, but only if they have the right tools.
I talk to couples about learning how to create and grow a brand new relationship based on genuine foundations. Not a rehash of the old one!
When couples really learn how to understand each other and what’s really important to each other then the relationship can really grow.
If your ready to take that step and want to learn the critical skills for repairing and building a passion connected relationship you can do that one-on-one with me in Harley Street London.
To get started please make contact or book online today.
At a Glance: Relationship Building Programs available to you with Stephen Hedger
- If you are in marital crisis you may need a tailor made 12 week Marriage Breakthrough Program.
- If you NOT in crisis, but going round in circles then you may need a 6 week Relationship Repair Program.
- If your in personal crisis then you may need a 4, 8 or 12 week Personal Breakthrough Program.
If your interested in any of Stephen’s programs either
Book an initial consultation so Stephen can assess what you need click here, or call to discover more information.