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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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My partner needs to change!

In their droves, people with marital problems come to me wanting me to change their partners’ behaviors. 

In fact, many people come to me wanting me to make their partners’ behaviors either more like their own or changed so it makes sense to them.

In today post I’m going to share what this approach actually creates and why it will accelerate the relationship crisis.

So this gentleman gave me a list of all the problems in his marriage and what he needed his wife to do so he could be happy.

So I finished listening to his list.

I then told him that to be fair I would also have to hear her list of changes she wanted him to make for her to be happy.

When she finished giving me her list I said to him that if she had to comply with his every demand it was only fair that he also complied with all of hers.

You could see from his face he wasn’t happy with this arrangement, but I also saw him connected to the problem.

He wanted her to change to make him happy, but he wasn’t happy to do the same for her, to be fair to him his wife wasn’t happy with his demands either.

Both these people are suffering from years of resentment so their desire to comply with the others needs was not high at all.

You simply cannot tell someone what to do especially when the connection isn’t great and they feel they have maintained their personal freedom at the same time. 

You see people need to be free to choose the behaviors they want and any support they provide must be of their own choice.

You see loving someone doesn’t mean one person is the boss of their partner, their coach, or their parent and if they don’t tow-the-line an emotional upset will be the result.

That’s too controlling and will kill their connection.

People must be free to love and contribute because they want to, if they have to perform they will either ignore, fight, resent, or eventually leave.

Someone full of resentment is not likely to want to meet their partner needs.

However, a person who is respected and loved will want to do everything they can to learn how to support their partner.

This is why changing yourself before you ask your partner to change is the best way to change your relationship connection.

You can’t force someone to change, just like you couldn’t force them to love you when you first met, these feelings must be allowed to be FREE or they die.

This is at the root of so many couples inability to connect after problems.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"

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Recent Posts

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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