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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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My Wife Has Fallen Out Of Love With Me Please Help

She told him the marriage was over, she had lost all feelings for him. He knew there were problems, but was totally shocked at her sudden desire to want to end the marriage.

They had a child together, and were torn with what to do; they sought help. She was convinced the marriage was over, but driven by guilt she felt she owed it to her son to try one last time. Her efforts, however, seemed half-hearted as she shifted between, resigned, cold and sad almost at the same time.

He came to me on his own initially, he wanted the very best service I could offer to help them. He didn’t believe the marriage was over and he told me he would throw all he could at saving his family.

I explained to him that I do run intensive programs for Marriages in Crisis.

I evaluated the couple before I decided to invite them in. I knew he was committed, but I had to be convinced that she wanted to discover what had happened to them.

I believed even though she thought the marriage was over I felt she still loved him, but couldn’t work out how they could live together, so had detached from him to protect herself.

Their son was also being affected by their problems and was having problems at school. The couple were shocked to discover how much their son was being affected.

I told them I was happy for them to enter my Marriage Program, but the focus was on the understanding that we were not just trying to fix a broken marriage.

The goal was to discover if the marriage could work long-term? This meant both people happy not one happy at the cost of the other.

I was aware of her concerns that any changes would be a short-term act on his part due to his passion to save the marriage at all cost. She was also concerned that even if I did get them back together, what would stop their problems from happening all over again.

Her biggest block was that her feelings had gone for her husband and she didn’t feel she loved him anymore. She was crystal clear that she would not live in a loveless marriage – I totally agreed.

Respecting both peoples emotional position I started gathering information, specifically looking for the key to how did two people who fell in love become successful at destroyed their marriage.

We discovered that both people had very little understanding of each other core needs and what had to happen for them to be happy.

So they had made assumptions, guesses at how to help each other to be happy. This resulted in many failures and disappointments.

They had quickly created fear in each other which resulted in arguments that went around in circles both blaming the other.

She quickly realised that if she argued or complained at him he would just become more aggressive. So she stopped, not because she was happy again, but because when she was honest about how she felt he attacked her.

He assumed she was happier now the world was calmer, the reality was she was shutting down and her feelings for him were dying.

He felt she had become someone that was negative and impossible to please to someone who was now calmer if not slightly distant.

This was better for him than the arguments, what he hadn’t realised was she had given up on him because she knew she had to protect herself.

This shift in her had two effects, she stopped her feelings and expectations of him, but she also became depressed.

She no longer felt herself, and he just threw himself into his work.

The marriage was no longer meeting the couple’s needs, and she had lost all faith in a happy future with him.

The trust had died in both of them and without trust, the relationship can’t function.

We discovered she had trust challenges from her past, and he feared rejection and reacted badly to it.

Over the next 90 days, the couple visited me weekly to learn why their relationship had stopped working, and each week they were given new levels of understanding and tools, they could use and practice which would make a significant difference to how they felt about each other and the relationship.

Over the weeks, the stress started to reduce, and the couple started to understand each other differently.

They discovered each other’s strengths and used those to support each other and encourage their partner when they struggled.

They learnt why they had lost their intimacy and what had to happen for it to return.

They learnt how they had, over time turned into different versions of themselves and fear was driving their behaviours.

They learnt how to grow through their conflict through honesty, and patience. A simple shift in understanding what was really happening when they fought helped them support each other.

They also learnt how to plan their future and how to maintain their marriage through daily, weekly, and monthly practices.

They both also discovered the myths that surround relationships and how destructive those myths can be.

The shift in focus was significant and kept this family together. More importantly, this couple now has the tools needed to help their son avoid the problems they faced.

I hope that if you are experiencing challenges, you can see that no matter how bad it seems, with the right resources and focus, many marriages can be saved from divorce.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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