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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Passionless Relationship

Are you living in a passionless relationship? Do you want to know why it happened and how to change it? Then please read on…

What happens in most relationships is this. After the initial excitement of meeting each other, feeling that rush of you can’t wait to be together and rip each others clothes off, what happens is life start to take over.

Friends, family, work, bills, hobbies and one day you notice that the passion you both had for each other has changed, and where you used to make time available to be with each other now you are lucky to get any kind of real conversation, let alone instinctive red hot passion.

Something has changed and you can feel it!

Two things have changed, one is the sexual driving, feel good chemicals that are produced when you first met, and secondly the effort that you both put in that helped to create those chemicals.

So what worked really well when you first met you have chosen to change, probably without noticing, or maybe you just expect the passion to die because everyone says it always does. Maybe that advice is coming from everyone who is making the same mistakes and now everyone is lost and agrees that this is what happens as if it is a fact, when it’s just their experience.

What changes is the behaviours of the couple
and it’s this that kills the passion.

You may have worried that maybe the relationship is not right after all and so you went on a search for more problems and it was not long before you found them, because no matter how good any relationship is there will always be problems.

The truth here is whatever you focused on was what you got. Or in other words what you didn’t focus i.e. each other, on you got far less of.

Your energy will go to where your focus is. So remember when you focused all day on seeing him, or her and all you could see in your mind was how beautiful, or handsome your partner was to you, and the adventure that might unfold on your next date. How you did you feel inside? Amazing of course, but when you focused on potential problems, you then felt terrible and attached that feeling to the relationship or your partner without knowing.

The passion in your relationship has not died you have just forgotten to focus on it, because other stuff became important, or maybe you felt that you had to pull yourself together and be careful incase he or she will not hurt you, or maybe feeling sexual all the time was not right, and that is a rule you never knew you had.

The problem is this, when your focus went to a place of pain you can then attached that pain to your partner or those feeling and so you won’t allow that to happen again. Now you have sabotaged your own passion through your thoughts and a focus of fear which you probably made up.

Remember this, your focus is very powerful and can change you whole future and direction, so be sure that this focus is 100% in line with all you value, and does not come from a place of fear, because this will always hurt you and in the context of passion will kill it dead.
AND… The thing that makes any relationship special is that bond of intimacy that is reserved for just the two of you. Without it you are just friends, and is that what you want?

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Posts

  • Do You Know Your Values & Why They Are So Important?
  • “Should I Stay or Go?” Why You Shouldn’t Make Big Decisions While You’re Still Suffering
  • Stop & Never: The 30 Patterns That Quietly Destroy Relationships
  • “How to Fix Communication Issues in a Marriage”
  • “First Step to Fixing Any Marriage Problem”
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