Everyone has the power to create change. Change is possible if the person understands how to move from a reactive state of mind to a pro-active state of mind.
Pro-active states will put the person back in control of their life moving them with confidence towards what they want.
A reactive state in contrast will be the person trying to move away from what they don’t want. Unfortunately to move away from what they don’t want they have to be focused on it. This constant focus on the negative aspect of their life keeps the person stuck attached to their fear.
So the start has to be the understanding of what the person really wants. Then we have to understand the process they have been using to fix their problem and if this solution has actually worked.
For example some people will do the same things over and over again hoping that the same behaviour will create a different outcome. Even if they have proof time after time it doesn’t work they will still do it. This is the person living in reaction unaware of what they are really doing.
Example: Someone might come for help confused as to why their life doesn’t feel right. Their love life is a disaster, but they have done well financially.
What if the person feels they need is security. So they are focused on what equals a lack of security resulting in them wanting to rebalance this by looking for security throughout their life.
Will they get it? What usually happens is the person reacts to what has caused a lack of security historically and they will head towards what for them equals the solution. The solution could be money.
Will money make them secure? The question now is how does security happen for this person?
What if the way security is met for them is through love, passion, belonging, trust, freedom, peace etc.. is money going to get them security in this way? Of course the answer is no.
Unless the person knows this they will stay on their quest for more money…
What if this person also fears love because they never had it as a child and they feel they are not worthy of love so even though they need to have love to be secure they will move away from it as an adult through historic fears.
We know they want love really, but they have created a path to success, through security that bypasses love and focuses them on the acquisition of money to feel good.
This person fears going for love, but in really it is their real goal. This is why they are unhappy they have never had it and have now set up their life to make sure they never get it without knowing.
So unless you know why you do what you do, it’s highly likely you are living in reaction to your world without knowing.
Understanding you and why you do what you do puts you back in control confident to create a future that is secure, but through what’s really important to you.
The work I do is primarily focused on moving a client towards a life they want, but through an understanding and respect of what the past has presented to them and their understanding of this past.
In essence we can find that outdated stories and beliefs could be causing the person significant problems without knowing. In effect the fears of them as a child can have a profound effect on them as an adult, so the adult reacts to fears that were set up by a child’s view of the world.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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