Most of the women who enter my sessions are looking for their partners to step up and take the actions they need for the relationship to make sense to them.
At the core of this for her is a much-needed emotional connection which must have a foundation of emotional security.
To most women, these needs are not only critical, but blatantly obvious.
What these women are not seeing is these needs are not obvious or natural for men to understand at all.
This gap creates two distinct problems.
Firstly because she thinks he should know, it means she is either waiting for him to act and of course, he won’t.
She is actively upset because she thinks he doesn’t care due to his lack of action.
Secondly, she had no idea her job was to teach and help him to understand her.
This brings the next problem, and that’s for her to teach him this knowledge, she would have to understand him and understand why he naturally doesn’t understand her.
The irony is she also doesn’t understand him enough to be able to do this, so her explanations will usually confuse him even further.
Plus some women don’t know what they need they only know what they don’t need…
So the result is her critical needs are left unmet.
As a result, she will become upset and resentful.
He will be frustrated because he won’t understand the problem well enough to fix it.
So he will remain frustrated and left feeling like he is failing, and this will grow his resentment.
This means neither person’s needs are being met on either side, and resentment and fears will keep growing.
Now the problem won’t be their natural disconnect.
The problem now is the resulting bad behaviour on both sides that this type of misunderstanding always creates after years of disconnect.
Problems such as…
Affairs, circular conflict, power struggles, withdrawal, rages, stonewalling, loss of attraction, passion and love to name a few.
So one mission I have is to help women teach the men in their lives how to be successful with them.
This is the win-win that builds stronger authentic connections that last for those wanting to learn.