There are two distinct relationship patterns – one works to keep the passion alive and one works to kill the couple’s passion for each other.
The one that kills a couple’s passion for each other is the one where the need for security is the driving force for at least one person.
This person will practice the need to protect or defend themselves from their partner.
This person will stack resentments.
The couple that keeps their passion alive is the one that feels that security as a result of how they both show up.
The passion, the love the connection is the creator of their security.
In other words, the need for security is no longer the constant focus for couples who know what they are doing.
People who feel the need to self-protect themselves in their marriage won’t want to contribute and so the marriage will go nowhere.
So if you have a security-focused need in your marriage then please know this energy must change you if you want the marriage to improve.
The overriding mission is to discover if natural reciprocity is possible in your marriage as this is the acid test for marriages that can work.
If the model is one person gives and the other takes the marriage will always struggle because the giver will keep running out of emotional energy.