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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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The King of Connection is Comprehension

If you are struggling to connect or communicate today’s post is for you. I’m going to explain what I see and why so many are struggling.

When I first listen to any couple communicate there is always a clear problem and the two people don’t see it.

When they speak their partner doesn’t understand them even though to them they are being crystal clear.

I watch in sessions as one person is sharing their position, I can see the other person is taking away a very different perspective, point or message.

So my controversial point is this; what is the point of getting two people to speak when their comprehension of what is being said isn’t ever accurate?

Wouldn’t that simply make matters worse? “…that’s not what I said…” “… that’s exactly what you said…” “…no I didn’t..!”

I tend to run one test session with them together so I can see the extent of this dynamic and then coach them alone to be able to understand each other before putting them back together.

When I walk the halls of my office in Harley Street which were full of counsellors and therapists all I could hear was couples shouting at each other.

They have 50 minutes to get their marriage back on track and the compounding upset will be solidifying in at least one mind there is no hope, to my mind, this is a risky strategy.

When a couple is in crisis they don’t need to be pushed closer to the edge they need help to safer ground.

I know the couples that come to me are looking for a break from their upset.

They want a new approach, they want less fear and more confidence and so arming them with how to hear what their partner is saying is a critical skill to learn.

Typically when a man speaks what she takes away can be many points and usually, none of them is connected to what he is really saying.

When a woman speaks he simply hears the wrong message and holds her to that message, “that’s what you said!”

This is a recipe for disaster and it frequently happens when the pressure is on.

You see men and woman deal with pressure very differently in a relationship as each person is dealing with a very different emotional driver who has a very different destination.

Both people will be blind to this critical part.

Outside of a relationship men and women operate in similar ways, there are differences, but they are less noticeable the less emotionally involved they are.

This is why living together in an intimate relationship is so challenging who knew the rules had changed?

No one told us!

So if you want to know why you are going around in circles and never on the same page this is why.

I know many think the solution is to get you talking and in theory, it makes sense but only if what is being said is understood.

My message is don’t learn how to communicate we can all do that, what we suffer from is the ability to comprehend.

Like I said, “Comprehension is the king of connection.”

Category iconCommunication,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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