I’m sure you will agree that if the foundations of the relationship are not strong then the relationship is going to suffer.
So what are the foundations?
- The individuals in the relationship have to understand what it takes to make themselves happy.
- They have to understand what needs are important to them so they can communicate those needs to their partner.
- They have to understand how their partner is different to them and learn about their needs.
- They have to learn how to have conflict and grow from it, most people have conflict and die each time they argue.
- They have to learn how to build trust everyday.
- They have to know what their plan is for the future and why they are stronger together than apart.
What will happen if a person has no idea how to make themselves happy and they need a relationship to create that happiness?
What happens if they have fears running without knowing that then impact on their happiness and their relationship?
Here are a few real examples of what people discovered was happening within themselves without them knowing and were crippling themselves and their relationship.
- My mother has to die before I can love my wife
- I can’t trust myself to live true to myself
- For me to become unlovable I have to be successful
- For me to be the best I can be, I have to get rid of all the people
- I am unlovable
- Controlling my environment is more important than loving my wife
- I feel safer if I pull love away
You see the starting point of any intervention with relationships is to make sure the person(s) in the relationship knows what it takes to give themselves what they need.
If a person is focused on a fear with or without knowing like the individuals above they will remain stuck and will have to rebalance their world to feel OK.
This can create controlling behaviours of some kind.
- Some will control what happens to them and their world gets smaller
- Some will try to control their partner
- Some will try to control their environment
So as you can see the relationship with yourself is critical because all of your behaviours that follow are based on it.
Remember if your relationship is not growing it will be dying so please take action to learn what it takes to build successful relationships.