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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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The Real Reason – Marriages Die & How To Stop It?

The trend I see in couples with all manner of problems is a significant decline over time in their desire to invest in their relationship. They spend more time at the office, with their kids, with friends, family or hobbies.

Of course if you don’t feed a relationship what it needs it will naturally die.

The reasons people stop investing are varied

  • Circular conflicts
  • Power struggles
  • Inability to communicate
  • Loss of intimacy
  • Loss of love
  • Emotional detachment
  • Abandonment
  • Loss of passion
  • Boredom
  • Can’t see a future together

This list could go on and on… BUT are these the REAL reason a marriage will die?

The combination of stacking resentments is going to lead a person to stop investing emotionally in the relationship and will naturally move their energy to protect themselves from their partner.

So when someone protects themselves from their partner this starts the process of switching off their love for them.

Note: You can’t stay ‘in love’ with someone if you have to continuously protect yourself from them…

When a person moves into a self protection mode of being, they will start to feel their partner is NOT a good fit for them. They may have even tried to get through to their partner in the past and now they are giving up, or have given up.

So these are some of the symptoms of why marriages die. BUT…

…What you want to know is the real reason why marriage die.

Think about this… If we could gain the real reason a marriage will die, then we could have a profoundly positive effect on rebuilding our relationship and change it’s direction.

So here it is: The real reason a marriage will die is because couples simply don’t understand each other. Sadly many people think they do and this is what causes them to get out of a perfectly good relationship.

A couple who are struggling to understand each other are going to suffer because how can you be of value to someone you don’t understand?

I watch so many couples when the penny drops, and they become awake to what’s really going on in their relationship.

One gentleman (nearly 70 years old) he said he had been married to his wife for 45 years and naturally over that period of time he knew her very well, but when I started to help him understand his wife from a brand new perspective, her perspective he said “…of course it now all makes sense!”

“I didn’t think she loved me” he said. I told him “No the reverse is true she really loves you that’s why she been behaving this way.

He had been making the wrong assumptions about her behaviour and it had been wearing him down. With a small shift in his knowledge laughing and shaking his head he ran over many stories with me as he rewrote what was going on for her that he never knew.

Still shaking his head, He said why didn’t I know this about her? I told him most people are not aware of how to understand their partner. We are taught that men and women are the same. Men and women are totally different and this difference is hugely magnified in an intimate relationship.

If you think of it this way, men and women have totally different operating systems and totally different needs. This makes them experience the same situation totally differently.

One gentleman was frustrated at his wife in a session “YOU must really hate me!” he shouted

“What?!” She instantly shouted back.

“the things you say to me” he responded.

“I don’t hate you, I love you…”

I could see him shaking his head, simply not seeing how that makes any sense. This is my point women don’t make sense to men and vice versa. This is a real problem for all couples.

Unless a person really understands these differences they are always going to be on a different page than their partner.

When a relationship goes wrong this experience is emotionally painful, but it’s doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s critical to get on the same page fast as you can if you want a successful relationship.

  • Each week I’m teaching couples these unique shifts. These shifts are needed in their understanding so they can rebuild their connection, their passion and their future together.

    If your interested to learn these critical shifts now please make contact with us.

Men and women are not designed to understand each other, so please don’t think that others have got it right and you haven’t. So many couples come to me and tell me all their friends would be shocked they are seeking help, because they are seen as the perfect couple.

 

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Knowledge isn’t power – but it’s a start – Mini Post
  • Stop bickering and arguing – Mini Post
  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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