If you want to get your partner back into the relationship, if you want to understand why you feel so bad in your relationship, if you want to avoid a divorce and build a successful relationship you are going to need the following information.
This information you are about to learn we should all have learnt long before we go into any relationship, because it’s critical for the couples long-term survival together.
When couples start to struggle with their relationship what they are not understanding is three critical factors are at play.
- Factor one is their own personal patterns of behaviours: Many people are unaware of how they habitually respond to different situations in good and bad ways.
- Factor two is their partners habitual patterns of behaviour good and bad: Especially where the patterns of behaviour in their partner are hurtful, confusing or damaging with or without the person or the couple realising.
- Factor three is the relationship patterns: All couples create relationship patterns and they repeat them based on their own individual patterns.
Most people and couples will live in reactive patterns. Reactive patterns are most likely to lead couples into disaster without them knowing why.
These three patterns are responsible for the way the individuals meet their needs in the relationship. Please note that if the couples needs are not met the relationship will start and continue to die.
If we are to meet our needs in ways that will lead us to happiness/fulfilment we have to understand how we are using our habitual patterns to meet our needs.
You see it’s possible for an individual to meet a critical need through an habitual pattern, but unless that pattern of behaviour leads that person and their partner to fulfilment the relationship and individual will suffer. This is where many couples are living.
This is why I’m not a fan of couples talking about their problems week after week after week. If you want to solve your problems you simply have to know the foundations that created those problems.
Of course you can talk about your problems until your both so bored of them that not discussing them would be a relief to you both. However the powerhouse that created the problem is still going to be there waiting to replace that couples problem with a new one if they do manage to fix a symptom mistaking it for the source problem.
The fact is any couples problem(s) are created by this combination of powerful dynamics.
Understanding these dynamics is so important: People can become addicted to meeting their needs through their habitual patterns and for many the relationship suffers especially when the individuals in the relationship are blind to the real problem.
The sad part of these destructive dynamics is when a person will fight to keep their own patterns of behaviour because they feel that’s the only way they can feel good.
What’s sad is they are living in an illusion that’s leading them to far bigger problems and they are totally unaware until they get there and it’s possibly too late.
What changes these destructive behaviours is helping the individuals learn about their unique pattern so they can clearly see and agree what they are doing is not just hurting their partner and family, but themselves too.
What’s even more worrying for parents that love and care about their children is without knowing their children are learning these patterns from them.
So if you and your partner want to lead yourselves and your family to safety it’s important you don’t ignore your problems. It’s also important to not spend months or years going round in circles.
The goal is to put you and your partner back in control of your relationship so the patterns of behaviour leads the couple to be a loving team.
If this makes sense to you and you want to go deeper to learn more so you can apply this to your situation, you can book a face-to-face meeting with me in Harley Street London. To get started click here.
Please note: You can attend on your own or with your partner.