I’m going to share with you today 10 mistakes all couples in crisis are making that can put their relationship under real stress.
These are in no particular order, but each can have a powerfully negative impact. Compound these behaviours over time and the relationship is now heading for a very bumpy ride.
- Become your partners judge.
- Making your partner wrong.
- Threaten the end of the relationship.
- Help your partner to feel bad about themselves.
- Holding back love.
- Expect more of your partner than you do of yourself.
- Have no plan for the relationship.
- Make other areas of your life more important than them.
- They must think and act the same as you.
- Manipulate them to get what you want.
Relationships are a place where the couple MUST look after each other. They must care about the other persons experience in the relationship.
Far too many people are so focused on themselves and what they are not getting they are breaking the fundamental laws of keeping their relationship alive.
Relationships are a place where you must go to add value. The moment a person goes to a relationship to take from it, there will be a problem.
Because there are so many confusing differences between two people in a intimate relationship, fears can take hold very quickly.
This means a person can move towards protecting themselves. When a person moves to this space many of the list above can become engaged and now the relationship is in danger.
Self protection means “I believe you are trying to hurt me”. This can have a powerfully destructive effect on the individuals and the relationship as this loss of trust compounds and is mirrored.
For example: One man was constantly screaming at his wife. By understanding what the screaming was trying to achieve we honoured his needs and configured them so his wife felt safe and loved and his critical needs were still met.
Couples must ask themselves this question: Is what I’m doing making the situation better or worse?
Quick test: This may help you to evaluate your situation – all three below must be in place.
1.You must act with personal integrity that reflects who you are at all times.
2. You must care about those that are important to you.
3. You must be moving towards the life you all want.
If all three are not happening them maybe it’s time to rethink how you want to show up in the relationship.
Quick note: Many people are asking me if I see individuals on their own. Yes I’m very happy to help those who are passionate to learn.