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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Triggers and behavioural patterns

Who knew that to navigate love effectively and keep the passion alive we all have to become better at understanding human behaviour?

People are being hit financially and emotional simply because they don’t understand the basics of human psychology in themselves and their partner.

Who knew the cost of not understanding this would be significant as families are being ripped apart simply because they don’t understand how they work and fit together?

Relationships are complex and people who are unaware of the moving parts that keep that energy alive are helping their partner to switch off their love for them.

They take actions that make themselves less sexually attractive to their partner.

They are practising behaviours every day that kill the very energy that will keep their partner in the marriage.

The problem is they don’t know what they are doing is destructive.

This is why when a couple comes to me they will bring symptoms they have been trying to fix for years.

They are totally unaware of the causes that create those symptoms so they never solve the problem.

One of those root causes is how each person is triggered and the emotional patterns they run after the trigger.

Every person in this space will not see the emotional trigger they have is unique to them so they will conclude their response to life and others is normal.

One gentleman was suffering due to his own triggers and the meanings he attached to her behaviour.

What most people I meet are not understanding is they are the creators of their own emotional triggers.

They become triggered feel bad and blame other people for how they feel.

Here is what he was not seeing.

His triggers were his way of making himself feel bad, but he was blaming her for creating his bad feelings, he didn’t know this.

His trigger was helping him attach a meaning that he was not aware of to her behaviour.

That hidden meaning was helping him to meet a critical need unique to him but in a very destructive way.

He was unaware of these two critical moving parts his critical need and the meaning he attached to her so he blindly and unfairly blamed her.

Most people are unaware they have critical needs and so will meet them constructively or destructively they don’t care as long as the need is met. This is how many run their emotional needs without thought.

In my world, this is how to become out of control of yourself.

Unfortunately, this out-of-control thinking is destructive in relationships and will kill their connection on both sides.

In his case, it was destructive because he became angry (his way of meeting his need destructively) and that disconnected him from who he is (a loving man), plus his anger was disconnecting her from feeling protected by him.

In fact, she felt she had to protect herself from him at that moment.

Too many of those situations will lead her to emotionally disconnect and that makes reconnection so much harder.

I watch couples do this every day and I have to repattern them so they are back in control of themselves and their relationship.

The fastest way to create a disconnect is to blame your partner for how you feel.

It’s critical to understand our own emotional system first before we bring our distortions to the table and blame others.

It’s only once we understand ourselves are we in a position to help our partner be successful with us.

You see our partner is different from us in every way possible.

So you must understand how to bring the best out of yourself first, or you will keep bringing the worst out of your partner.

You must then understand how your partner is naturally different so you can love their differences and use their unique strengths to bring out the best in you.

Unless you adopt an understanding of human behaviour and what keeps attraction alive you might just be part of what is killing the very thing you love and want to keep.

What you have just read on some level is in every couple I meet which is why I encourage people to explore a marriage before leaving it because people leave marriages and take their problems with them.

It’s why I have to help the individuals first learn how to build the correct relationship with themselves before I will put them in a room together as a couple.

An individual will learn with me how to manage their own emotional system in a way that helps them to become a far more attractive partner.

Individuals who bring out the best in themselves and their partners are powerful relationship partners and it’s why so many people are happy to attend these sessions alone.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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