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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Trust issues: Taking back control

I was with a client last week and was talking to her about the concept of living a life where she could choose the feelings she wanted to experience so she could take control of her life and it’s direction.

To her this concept was an alien one. She believed her feelings were automatic and therefore out of her control.

She told me this idea was impossible.

I then started to talk to her about how she had been living. Her fears around ‘trust’ had meant she had been living in her head. Going round and round in circles with no real solution. She used alcohol and friends to get off this vicious cycle, but that fix was always temporary.

I explained to her that by living in her head she was trapped with her fears and this was not who she really was.

I told her to be truly safe she had to find away of living in her heart and that would free her mind of the pain she was in. I told her this would help her mind to become quiet and would free her to be able to plan her future.

I told her she wasn’t being her true self all the time she was living in her head plus living this way was exhausting.

As I spoke I knew she had connected to my words, tears had filled her eyes.

In this moment she had connected to a truth within her, she didn’t know what to do next, but she knew what I said was her truth.

I then spent some time helping her learn how she was creating the feelings she was experiencing. She was now learning how she was the creator of her feelings and during this process she discovered the purpose behind them.

This was the foundation of her taking control of her own life.

She had learnt that the way she was using her mind was keeping her trapped in her own fears. What’s worse is anyone who is stuck in their fears is usually unaware that those fears end up being that persons goal/destination.

I then shared a story with her about a lady who married a man totally convinced he would cheat on her. Eight years later she discovered her husband was having an affair. Her fear had come true and she felt comforted that she had always been right. I asked this lady “…what impact did this fear of him having an affair have on her behaviour to him?” She said “Of course I protected myself from him”  “How did you protect yourself?” I asked. “I held back my love?” she replied.

The husband who loved her became convinced over the years she didn’t love him and so he started an affair as a means to cope with his own pain.

This lady and many of my clients are unaware that automatic feelings have wonderful underlying intents, but in reality don’t work as they have the ability to grow belief systems that end up hurting the person in the long run.

Learning how to take control of your minds thoughts so they help you create the life you desire must be the objective of everyone.

In relationships this is especially important to learn because how can you look after each other if you’re both struggling to look after yourselves.

My message today is your mind will grow what you feed it, good or bad so please make sure your mind is getting the message that will lead you to the life you want.

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
  • 10 Steps for Divorce Prevention - May 25, 2020
  • Marriage Breakthrough – “Why did they change their minds?” - May 23, 2020

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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