2023 has got to be better for you, hasn’t it? I know many have had enough of their situation and want answers/solutions to their seemingly impossible relationship problems.
You should have answers because they are there for you if you know where to look.
Some are wondering if the marriage has run its course, some are looking for ways to fix the problems, and some are stuck because they are both scared to leave and scared to stay.
Many couples are resentful, either constantly bickering or withdrawn; this leaves many passionless as the trust is eroded daily.
They are bright enough to see the presenting problems but are stuck with how to resolve them.
The challenge is simple.
The problems that people present to me are what I see as symptoms of their real problems.
It’s why when they share their perception of their problems with each other, they are never resolved as they go around in circles.
How can couples ever solve problems if they are unaware of the real problem they face?
Not seeing the real problem when it arises has been compounded because they have not built a secure enough foundation.
They build their lives on quicksand and then wonder why they feel unstable as time passes.
Relationships are like most things in life; you must first understand the mechanics that lead to success or failure as a couple goes through each milestone.
From 30 to 80 years of age, how do you keep the connection and passion alive?
What mechanically do you need to know for this to be possible?
Once you have understood the mechanics, you must have an emotional system that will allow you to succeed.
If you get either of these wrong, you will be in for a long emotional battle with your partner and yourself.
Not understanding this is why many people end up in an expensive trial-and-error system.
Just imagine, after a few failed marriages or years of disconnect, what you learn is you don’t know what you are doing, and that’s if you are lucky.
The unlucky ones are still blaming everyone else.
I meet many people at 60+ years of age in this position, unhappy and lost in their relationships.
It’s why retirement and empty nesters are rife with marital problems when they should really be having the best time of their lives.
Understanding the problem
Most don’t know that being married is unlike any other relationship, and this is the problem.
- The communication models are different from day-to-day life.
- The mission each person is on is very different.
- They both want happiness, but their emotional route to it is dramatically different.
- They manage conflict differently.
- Both people are usually unaware of their relationship roles (BTW, these are not one size fits all. Every couple is different).
- They may try to deal with situations the best way they know how, but can be shocked at how their partner responds.
- Neither usually knows the mechanics of keeping attraction alive.
- In many cases, love is dying, and they are totally unaware until it’s too late.
- They don’t have each other’s backs.
- They are not a team.
The result of these basic foundations lacking is stacked resentments, loss of passion, and loss of love.
In many cases, they end up living parallel lives settling for a transactional connection whilst their connection dies.
So to help couples navigate these challenges.
The couple must learn how to reinvest
The first step is to engage in a reinvestment model.
This shows couples the mechanics and the emotional system needed to reconnect no matter what has happened.
Once they understand the mechanics, then each person is helped with the emotional system that will enable them to rediscover themselves in their marriage.
Most people lose connection to who they are through years of emotional disconnect and upset.
Once the couple is reconnected, the process is about keeping that connection alive no matter what life throws at you.
So if you are in a place of disconnect, the first step is to learn how to help both people reinvest, even if just one person is participating.
People who are stuck are simply not seeing the problem clearly enough to solve it.
Once you can see the problem, the steps to solve it are usually straightforward.
So if you want 2023 to free you from the pain and suffering of the past few years, maybe now is the time to do something about it.