The short version of yesterday’s post is this.
If a person’s thinking is leading them to constantly disconnect from who they are in their relationship this will create a significant problem.
The moment loving people become judgmental or resentful, the moment they swap loving for demanding now they have stopped being themselves.
They will then be teaching their partner this distortion is who they are and that’s a big problem.
This will in turn trigger their partner to disconnect from themselves when they are with that partner.
Now two people are triggered to self-protect which is what starts the process of “killing the love”.
You can’t love the person you need to protect yourself from.
Practice this for years and someone will switch off their love and it will feel permanent to them which is why so many feel the need to exit.
So you must understand the thinking that leads you to stay connected to who you are regardless of what’s happened to you.
Most people struggle to stay committed to themselves and many are unsure what this even means so they live reactive lives especially when problems strike.
Reactive people tend to lose control of their relationship with their partner.
Then you must define the feelings that will create the best version of YOU to deal with the situation you face.
Then choose those feelings to deal with the problem(s). Most people don’t understand this or how to do it.
Now you can bring the best of yourself to the problem.
Then bring that new energy to your partner so you can get the best from them.
To do this you must know what they need and why. Most are unaware because they wrongly assume their partner is the same as them.
If this energy is designed to get the best from them, done correctly they will feel great about themselves and attach those feelings to you.
Unless that last part happens the relationship is dying at the point it is not being fed.
IMPORTANT: People whose critical needs are not being met in the relationship will meet them outside of the marriage in some way, and they won’t even be aware they are doing it, until it’s too late.
The solution to keeping a marriage safe, alive and passionate is to master those points above.
- You will feel better and more in control of the direction of your relationship.
- Your partner will feel great and attach that to you.
- You will never worry about problems again because you will know what to do.
- You can now become a team and plan an amazing future together.
To achieve all this all you have to change is your thinking.