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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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What Are Your Relationship Patterns?

We all have patterns of behaviour, these are our habitual patterns of behaviour that come up automatically to cope with our lives.

These patterns are learnt and are our core mechanism to keep us safe. However if they are out of date they could be destroying your life without you knowing.

If you are having problems could destructive patterns be the root cause?

  • Are you aware of yours?
  • Are you aware of your partners?
  • Do you notice patterns in your relationship?
  • Do you notice patterns in your current relationship that are similar to other relationships you have had?
  • Can you or your partner see patterns in each other that reflect your parents relationship behaviours.

Do you feel there are destructive patterns in your relationship or within you?

You see the patterns you have learnt growing up may not be supporting your growth in your life or work,or relationships. The reality of this will be reflected in your life today. If you feel stuck in your life, maybe in a job or in an unhappy relationship you might be running patterns to keep you here or fuel the problem.

For example:

The first pattern to look for is your core driver: It might be to create security, it might be to feel important, it might be to feel love.

Your core driver will create behaviours that reflects your core need. For example as a child a boy might use significance to get what he needs, he might use it to get love from his mother. So he may have become a great student, or be funny to please her, or become naughty because at least it gets her attention.

So as an adult he may run the same pattern, by thinking that if he does an amazing job at work his wife should see him as wonderful just like mum did. However he becomes confused when he doesn’t get the love he expects back.

In fact he feels her pulling away. Just doing a good job at work does not meet her emotional needs and so she becomes distant, or gets upset. In response he becomes angry at her lack of appreciation at how hard he works.

His behaviours to her feel selfish and immature and needy.

If he discovered how significant he could become by understanding what she really needs then they would both be successful through his behaviour and he wold feel happy and successful again and more masculine.

Another example:

A woman could have a desire for certainty, what she learns without knowing is that she can get love through depression. Every time she is feeling well everyone gets on with their lives and she feels lost and alone. When she becomes depressed everyone pays her attention and loves her.

Even though she hates becoming depressed she is certain she can do it and so becomes stuck because it actually meets her core needs, but in destructive ways for her and those she loved.

If she discovers there are ways she can be certain of love through giving she will open up a free and lighter world.

Your patterns?

  • What do you do to meet your needs?
  • What does your partner do to meet their needs?
  • What do you do when you are unhappy?
  • What does your partner do when they are unhappy?
  • What do you do when you feel fearful?
  • What does your partner do when they feel fearful?

Do these behaviours create love, growth and a rich life, or do they cause unhappiness, resentment and a lack of respect?

We all have positive intentions to meet our needs when we act, it just maybe that the behaviours are out of date and are likely to hurt those you say you love.

Including yourself

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Stop bickering and arguing – Mini Post
  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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