So many people are living in dysfunctional relationships and have no idea it’s unhealthy for them.
So in today’s post, I’m going to take you through some thoughts you may not be aware are important.
It’s true that successful couples have relationships that are easy to be in, but it’s easy because they have understood some fundamental skills of how to create a connected passionate life together.
Nature does NOT give us this critical knowledge so living together successfully is going to require some new knowledge.
1. You must be free to be connected to who you really are.
So many people change themselves in order to make the relationship work. A successful relationship must help you to become more of who you are not less.
Maintaining the integrity to be true to who you are while you are in your relationship is critical because disconnection from yourself is painful and if practised for too long will turn into suffering that can for some, lead to stress, anxiety or depression.
I see many couples where one person creates a dynamic of emotionally controlling their partners’ behaviours so much so they disconnect from themselves just to keep the relationship alive.
You cannot shut important parts of you down because this can lead to resentments being stacked over time, and this kills connection and passion.
Successful couples make their relationship with themselves a priority. Too many people have had past upsets or trauma, and they think a relationship will heal those old wounds they won’t.
2. You must be invested in your partners’ happiness.
So many couples enter my sessions focused on themselves and what they are NOT getting.
Meeting your partners’ needs in the way they need it is critical to show them they matter to us.
If your partner can see their needs physical and emotional matter to us this is another step towards creating a flow of connected energy.
Successful couples make it their mission to learn how to understand their partner. They know what drives them and what they value.
They want to help their partner live their best life. When two people do this, it makes their passion for life and each other so much easier.
3. It’s important to be a team
So many couples stop being a team because they have no vision to work towards. Once they are married, bought the house, had the kids their reason for being together can be weakened.
I see so many couples hit a crisis once their kids leave home. They know how to be workers and mums and dads, but they’ve lost the reason they are together.
So being a team is more than just having each other’s backs. It’s about creating a real purpose and excitement around why they are together and where we are going.
Many couples are bored in their marriage and it’s because they are not striving and excited about their shared vision.
4. Conflict is a place to learn and grow closer.
Most people’s conflicts result in resentments that stack over time. Understanding your conflicts is critical, so they create more understanding and more connection.
Some people have conflict all the time, and some never argue at all. Neither is good.
Successful conflict creates learning and growing. It’s a place where conflict is seen as intimacy and openness to connect and where feelings are looked after.
A successful couple is not afraid of conflict they see it as a way to show their love and reconnect to themselves and each other.
5. Learn what your partner really needs and how they are different from you.
It’s a terrible mistake to think your partner is like you. People that don’t see the difference can become judgmental of their partners’ behaviours.
Couples in a healthy relationship know they are not qualified to judge their partner they are only qualified to judge themselves.
6. Focus on your partners’ strengths.
Each person is going to have qualities that together help them create a stronger team together than they would be apart.
Embracing your partner strengths and helping them where they are weaker is critical to keep a positive flow of energy alive.
Couples in destructive dynamics are usually focused on each other’s failings.
Couples who are passionate and connected are aware they and their partner are not perfect so they actively choose to focus their energy into what’s great about them deleting their weaknesses.
7. Embrace vulnerability
This is a big one in a society where vulnerability is seen as a weakness. Successful couples embrace vulnerability because it shows their partner they can trust them with their hearts.
Vulnerability is at the heart of unconditional love. Successful couples trust themselves to hand each other their hearts to look after.
These couples can see who their partner really is, they understand the core of their partners’ needs, and they both know no matter what their partner has their back.
8. Couples that learn how to communicate effectively are more likely to last.
The moment you are in an intimate relationship, the communication rules change, and most people don’t know this.
Men and women in intimate relationships may as well be speaking Russian and Japanese to each other. The key to understanding each other is in looking for the meanings behind their words.
Many men don’t understand the construct of how women in intimate relationships communicate while women feel they are being very clear and so either their man is emotionally deficient, or he doesn’t care.
Successful couples have learnt how to correctly translate each other so their connection creates more harmony, and they can focus on fun and passion.
9. There must be equality
Successful couples feel of equal value to each other regardless of what they do or how much money they bring into the home.
The couple that suffers is the ones where one person holds the power over the other through emotional control or control over finances.
10. Attraction dynamics
Couples who understand how to create an energy that allows for a healthy range of masculine and feminine energy to exist will keep passion high and need for security low.
Many couples are not even aware of the power this hold for them. Get it wrong and the relationship dies. Embrace the power of masculine and feminine and their connection thrives.
So what does a healthy relationship look like?
It looks like two people who have put their relationship at the centre of their world. Nothing is more important than their connection to each other.