When couples experience challenges in their relationship one of the first things to die is their intimacy and with it goes the fun and the playful passionate side of their relationship.
Is this where you are? If it is, then you will have a strong feeling that life is not how it is meant to be. You know things have to change, but maybe you’re stuck not knowing what to change.
In my session I see couples in trouble every day and what I consistently see is their spark has gone, there is little fun or joy in the relationship. Life has become very serious and the only place to get any kind of joy or fun is now outside of the relationship with friends family or at work.
Intimacy is the difference between being just good friends or lovers. If you are in a relationship then being just good friends is not going to be enough. So the goal has to be to get the intimacy back and for that to happen the playful passion has to be there.
The hurdles to getting the playful passion back
There are two key things that have to happen if you are going to get you relationship back on track.
The first is understanding
When the individuals in the relationship don’t feel understood then they start to feel fear in the relationship. Both men and women can feel this, but for totally different reasons.
Fundamentally men and women communicate differently and so the translation of each others words can be totally different to what was intended.
Men and women also experience the world differently too, we are designed for totally different things so our perspectives are different.
So with so many differences in gender combined with totally different histories is not difficult to understand why couple fail to understand each other.
So the goal is to understand each other and to do it without judgement, a lot of couple have the misconception they are qualified to judged each other, of course they are not.
The second key element is meeting each other needs
In every session I have with couples when the needs are not being met in the relationship the relationship will have stopped growing and will be dying on some level.
Of course if the couple don’t understand each other (the first step) then the desire to meet each others needs st0ps being important. If the desire to meet each other needs goes, now the individuals stop seeing each other as a source of pleasure and are in the process of seeing each other as a source of pain.
This puts a serious spin on the relationship and fear is now the focus, a far cry from the playful passion we are all after.
So now the problem is escalating and moving the couple away from the playful passion they once shared.
Without the understanding the couple needs to feel safe with each other, combined with the lack of desire the couple now feels to meet each others needs, resentment is now sat in the relationship.
If that resentment stays for too long it will turn into a lack of respect and from here the relationship is vulnerable to many destructive paths.
Now you understand the path to success and the importance of getting this right, what are you going to do? Wait for your relationship to die or are you going to take control?
Remember when you act understand what you are trying to achieve and what feelings are you wanting your partner to attach to you?
Punishing and making your partner wrong will help them to move further away from you.
Just maybe they are as fearful as you, maybe they too have good intentions, but are just lost with how to make this work just like you.
If you need my help you know what to do…
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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