When a couple keeps experiencing the same old problems and they keep trying to fix the symptoms of the root problem they will suffer and many will eventually give up trying so they might stay married holding onto resentment or simply leave.
Dealing with the root problem is critical.
The root problem could be
- The couple’s lack of relationship building knowledge
- It could be a poor parenting model growing up
- They may suffer from a needs conflict
- They may be disconnected from their own core values and feel lost
- Have unresolved past traumas
- They could be suffering from depression, anxiety, or stress
- A disconnected personal identity
This is important to know, or the focus and attempt at healing goes to the wrong place.
I see many couples who are trying to deal with the shock of an affair/infidelity in their marriage.
How do they rebuild the trust that the future is going to be safe if their only focus is the affair?
What is at the root of why that affair happened?
I have seen a vast array of reasons at the root of why an affair became a good idea.
An affair is of course just one way to break trust and affect a couples connection.
People attend my sessions with many types of challenges:
- Why do you drink too much?
- Why do you constantly lie?
- Why are you so emotional?
- Why do you try to control me?
- Why have I fallen out of love?
- Why has our passion died?
- Why can I never talk to my partner?
- Why do you never hear me?
- Why are we never on the same page?
- Why are you so aggressive?
- I don’t feel safe with my partner
Each one of these typical problems will never be solved if the focus is the problem itself, every problem has foundational roots.
This doesn’t mean the couple or individual has to sit in their past problems and drag up painful emotions.
It means that once the core problem is understood we can look at the critical needs the person is trying to achieve through practicing their root problem.
In most cases the person is unaware of their root problem and the needs the problem is trying to achieve.
The person will need to create new healthy behaviours, but this can only happen if the needs that drove the problem are honoured this way the changes can last and become authentic.
If someone is trying to change and that change is forced or to please others the change won’t last.
The person must change because that change is good for them.
A change that is aligned with a person’s core values and meets their critical needs is a change that can last because the change will help them feel great about themselves and so is easy to keep and will become apart of who they are.
A new pattern!
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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