It may come as surprise to learn that my job is NOT to fix couples relationships. My job is to help them learn the truth. So a couple might come for help and one person can have the belief that leaving the marriage is the only solution.
Their belief can be very wrong and with the right help they can reconnect to their feelings and to the relationship again.
Many tell me how surprised they are at their outcome, how they didn’t believe that reconnecting and falling back in love was actually possible.
I have seen this so many times, simple changes in understanding and behaviours change the persons feelings.
There is of course another side to this story. The couples that shouldn’t be together.
This year I have worked with many individuals that are looking for answers, many are wondering if divorce is the right way forward for them, but they are stuck.
Case-by-case the answer is different for each person.
- Some people have lived for years not realising they have been the victim of abuse and are now abusing themselves by staying in the relationship.
- Some people are torn because they know the relationship is wrong, but they fear the impact on the children.
- Some people know the relationship is wrong and are convinced eventually the problems will magically go away. In their mind they would rather settle for a bad relationship than risk the alternative.
- Some have totally misunderstood their relationship and could leave for the wrong reasons.
This list of course could go on.
Getting to the truth is so important.
Individuals that come for help on their own are learning the skills they need to be able to safely assess their situation so if they do make a decision they are making one that’s good for them.
The goal is to make sure the person has a comprehensive understand of their situation. They are then armed to deal with it in a way that ensures, they connect with their true self (not the fearful version of them) and interrupt patterns of behaviour which could be destructive for them in the future.
So if leaving the relationship really is the best solution the person will learn to understand their patterns of behaviour so they can stop those patterns causing problems in future relationships.
Those that have genuinely misunderstood their relationship learn how to reconnect in a way that respects what they both need.
These processes all have easy steps that can take the person at their own speed to the answers they are looking for.
Most individuals only need 1-4 sessions. Others have a the desire to fully plan their life so they start to live the life they really wanted.
Life is simply a series of choices. Many of us are simply blind to what’s available and so they settle, thinking what they know is all there is.
Not sure what to do, or think? Try this… Imagine fast forwarding your life so you are in old age. If you carry on with your life the way it is, when you look back from old age what would you regret?
What you would regret through this vision is what needs attention. Which means fully understanding and safely planning a future that would work.