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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Where do our emotions come from and can we control them?

The short answer to this question is we create our emotions and yes we can control them if you want to. I know many of the skeptics will now want proof, so I will do my best to explain in this post.

Whatever you feel, you are the creator of that feeling. No one (thankfully) has the power to get inside our heads and give us our feelings, although some may want to try. If you think people can make you feel certain things then this is for you.

Whatever is happening around us, or to us, does not create our feelings. We have to use our brain to translate what is happening in our world into something that makes sense to us.

For example: A flame on our hand does not create our intense desire to move our hand away. Our brain is creating the pain response to motivate us to move our hand away fast. It does this because we need our hand to be healthy so it gives us maximum chance for survival by shocking us with pain to the hand.

Does that make sense, the flame is the external effect, our brain then creates the pain message to protect us. So our brain is the creator of our feelings.

Our mind will want us to move away from anything it perceives as harmful to us.

So now lets look at our emotions.

We all know our mind and bodies can get very confused and can give us very powerful reactions to non-threatening situations.

Some people will see a spider and it will send them into a blind panic. That spider for them creates the same response as if a lion had walked into the room I.E. A certain death response.

A child who has experienced poor / inconsistent parenting will struggle to trust a perfectly secure adult partner for a relationship. For that person this makes loving someone a powerfully anxious experience, so the challenges for this person are obvious to everyone, except this person.

Growing up we will all create a map of how the world works and every person will have a totally unique map. This map we build is designed to give us maximum chance of survival.

We are built primarily for survival – If we want happiness then we have to learn how to create that emotion.

This map is made up of many filters we all use to assess the world. It is made up of filters such as our histories, our beliefs, our needs, our values and is driven by the state we are in at any given moment.

So what happens when we create actions that keep leading us to feeling unhappy in our lives. E.G. A person keeps repeating behaviors that will harm them, or disrupt their life.

This is where the persons has built historic patterns to survive in their old life, but because their life today is no longer the same life under the same threat, they no longer need these old patterns, they need new ones that will support their growth.

Because they are not aware of this patterning process they keep running their old patterns and live in reaction to their very real feelings. They never feel quite right constantly feeling they have to cope with life leading them to stress, anxiety, depression etc.

So I hope you are starting to see, we are the ones that do our feelings and this means that if you know you have created the ways you react to the world, it means that if desired you can change them.

How can they be corrected? Firstly being aware of the challenge and having a desire to make a change that gives the person more of what they really want.

This means learning new patterns and collapsing old ones.

So do you have feelings that don’t make sense?
Do you keep creating behaviors that you want to stop?
Do you fear doing what you know you need to do?

If this is you, then step-by-step you can replace those old patterns with new ones that can free you to claim your life.

Give us a call to learn more….

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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