I remember my first ever meeting with a life coach, he asked me a question “who had my power”?
It was a great question that over the years has gathered even more meaning.
You see whilst every person has access to emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness to name a few.
Given a choice why would we chose to experience painful emotions when there are so many pleasurable ones to experience?
Why would anyone hand their power to another person to make them feel these painful types of emotions?
Shouldn’t our emotions be our own choice of what to we want to create and experience?
Only a small percentage of people are aware this is even possible and so they live painful reactive lives.
This is the challenge that so many people face because they live in such an out of control reactive emotional states themselves that other people end up being the director of what they feel.
This will lead that person to suffer.
If other people were actually in charge of how we feel we would experience a profound loss of freedom, sadly this is exactly what is happening almost everywhere.
This is why some people who are in constant relationship problems have a profound need for freedom, they don’t know how to have that freedom whilst being with their partner so they separate or divorce to achieve it.
People will say, “You made me feel”! “You upset me”! This concept is not possible, others can influence or trigger us, but after that, the creation of any feelings is all your own creation.
So is it possible that I have to leave you because I don’t like what I’m doing to myself when I’m with you? Yes, many people do this by misunderstanding their partners’ emotions and intentions.
They are so out of control of themselves and how they translate their world they can’t bear themselves at times.
So instead of taking back the power of choice when triggered, they try to remove the possibility of being triggered and now their world is getting smaller and they can end up alone.
So the important message for today is to take your power back and do not allow the actions and emotions of others to create the emotions in you that you don’t want?
The right approach is to choose the emotions you want to experience that will gain you the best version of you in any situation.
Just because the world goes crazy around you it doesn’t mean you have to emotionally join in and inflict their pain on you.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t care, what it means is when two people have lost control who is driving them to safety?
My advice is to not get on the out of control rollover coaster of other peoples issues or problems, that way you are emotionally in the best place to design the outcomes you would like for yourself and for them.
This could be your chance to free those around you from their out of control emotions.
I know many will now say “HOW”?
The answer is in understanding the mechanics of how you work as a human and developing a more effective relationship with yourself first.
It’s why much of my couples work starts with the individuals first.
If your relationship with yourself is broken, your relationship with others will always be a distortion and painful experience and you may need to control them so you feel happy.
Please know the process of taking your power back is linked to giving those you love their power back too.
You must free those around you in the process of freeing yourself.
Love and passion are energies that must be free or they will die so it’s up to you to chose your path now you know.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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