If you were in Madrid, but you thought you were in London how long would it take you to get to New York?
- The answer is a very long time, even with a map, in fact the map would just add more confusion.
A relationship is also a journey
Relationships have the same problem because people in relationships do not know how to communicate where they are emotionally, because their emotional states can change so frequently. People can also get stuck in emotional states due to prolonged and challenging life conditions.
BUT to make things worse people in relationship also donâ€™t make relationship goals or plans and so now we have two people in different places emotionally with no direction.
- If you think about a relationship in this way, the possibility for chaos is really high. So the individuals feel frustration, more fears, anger, resentment, because they are not getting to a place they have not defined to themselves let alone their partner, but in this place they will make their relationship wrong!
Get clear on where you really are
This is why my first job with any couple or individual is to understand where they are today and where they really want to be and why.
Once we have a clear focus on todays reality plus a clear direction and how to know when the individual or couple have arrived at their destination, then a clear plan can be put in place to help them.
Lost couples examples
- If a couple were dating and they did not understand how they both work and how to communicate their needs and where they want their life to go and the sort of person they want to be. The chances of them becoming unhappy when it does not happen are high.
- If a couple has an amazing relationship today they wonâ€™t go in search of how to keep it that way until itâ€™s too late. The are blind to the journey they are on and getting lost is highly probable and so knowing where you both are every day combined with where you want to go is critical.
- A couple in crisis not knowing where they are will assume they are in their true selves and so will communicate this to their partner who also believes the fearful version is their true self. Of course this map of truth is only true in that moment and is not reflective of the non-fear version of that individual. If all the different versions is only defined as one person then a very distorted perception can be created of their partner.
Again more lost people.
Admitting you are lost is never a great place to be and so we never like to face that truth, but when you become honest that you are lost, this create the question â€œwhere am I really, where do I want to be and how do I get there?â€
From here different questions get asked and an openness to explore other perspectives and possibilities in yourself and your relationships free people from their own prison of fear and hopelessness.
- Fearful versions of you can only limit you and so growth becomes impossible.
From a place of honesty you can take control of you, your life and your relationship and being lost is now only temporary as confusion in situations build maps of more understanding to guide you through the journey of life.
- If this has struck a chord with you please get in touch now!